A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend split up a few moths back we was together for about 2 years and was fathful to each other for them two years, we are now back together after them few months and hes recently told me he had slpet wiv one of my school mates, last time i saw her she told me she had 3 diffrent STIs and that she was a prostertute as she needed to money to keep the house she was in. when my boyfriend told me she had slpet with her i felt heart broken and although he said it was when we had split up but i still feel betraid as hes the only person i have ever slept with theres a barror when ever it comes to me sleeping with other people and all i want is my current boyfried (the only one ive slept with) As i feel like im betraying him. Now he has told me he has slept with her all i see when i close my eyes is them. and I dont want to sleep with him any more or do any thing sexual with him. but i do love him and want to go out with him still as he said that he will do every thing he can to make this ok again. hes even promies me that he wont keep in contact with her any more if thats somthing that would make me feel better. I agreed with it at the time but now i dont know what I want from him or what will make me feel better as I feel sick every time the situation comes up and I also get really angry and cant control my actions its like theres some one else inside me some one that I cant control.Is there a way around this with out me getting angry with him and with out me up setting him. I am trying to sort some councelling out for my anger problems.PLEASE HELPthank you. x
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male
reader, LightHorseman  +, writes (3 April 2009):
Well, its really up to you.
If you really want to get back together with him, make that decision and stick to it. If so, you need to put aside any feelings of anger you have about who else he has slept with. If you can't put these feelings aside, then it isn't fair on either of you to pursue the relationship, you will only make each other unhappy. But if you really want to be with him, then go for it. There's a thing called "cognitive behavioural therapy", the upshot of which is, when you find yourself thiniking about something that upsets you, actively try to think about something else. If you allow yourself to wallow in depressing thoughts about your ex and his former partner, it will eat away at you and you will get upset and angry at him. If, on the other hand, every time you find yourself thinking about them, you make an active choice to think about something else, then you won't have the problem. This can take some time and effort, but eventually you will train yourself to think about other things instead of them together. I'd suggest focusing on happy times you and your BF have had together as a good thing to try thinking about.
On a side note, if you know he has had sex with someone who has any STDs, or who you even suspect has them, I would strongly, STRONGLY suggest that he get tested for any infections and shows you the results of the tests before you even consider having unprotected sex with him in the future. Remember, relationships come and go, but genital warts are forever.
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