A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Do you think it's possible to date someone for a year, decide they are absolutely and never will be the one, be totally, totally certain of it, bet your life on it certain, break up with them based on this certainty, start looking forward to really finding the one, and then later change your mind and realize you made a mistake and that person was it? Can that ever happen? Does it ever happen? Anyone heard of this happening? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for responding.
To answer your questions, we broke up a few months ago but remained in contact the entire time. We were speaking an average of 5x a week (this is temporarily long distance. he comes back from an overseas work assignment mid Sept.)
I thought he was calling me so much bc he was still interested. So I asked. He told me it was bc he cares about me, wants me in his life and wants us to maintain our bond even if we're not bf/gf. I told him I couldn't handle that bc I was still in love with him so I asked him to stop contacting me.
It was at this latest "break up" that I sent him a letter asking if he would ever consider getting back together and his response was that he was certain we are better off apart than together. We broke up bc I kept pressuring him to go to the next level when he wasn't ready. Then the tension snowballed to the point the relationship stopped being enjoyable.
So, now that we are officially out of each other's lives, I was hoping this now real separation - and not the one we had where we spoke 5x a week - would be the true test. I was hoping he would miss me now that I am really out of his life and so I wrote my original question. (and I know for a fact he's not seeing any one else.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): Well, what I said could still apply to him, if he still feels the way you do, and if he wants to get back with you. It depends on the circumstances... How long ago did you split? Are either of you going out with someone else? Are you still in contact and if so do you know if he wants you back? This is something that he will need to make clear to you if he hasn't done so. So you can either, try and get back to together, or move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers but I didn't dump my boyfriend. He dumped me. I was asking the question from his point of view because I am hoping that one day he will change his mind. I wanted to hear if there could be hope for the future.
I didn't write the title to my entry. It was changed when I submitted the question.
Does this new information change anyone's opinion?
Thanks for replying!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): It does happen, otherwise you wouldn't be writing here. This is more than a hypothetical question, isn't it?
I think plenty of people including myself would agree that this does happen a lot. No one is perfect and there is always going to be problems in our life, (and with the one you love) that will make us disbelieve that this person is 'The One'.
I think, in your situation, it's also a case of 'Don't know what you've got until it's gone'. You ended the relationship because you were looking for 'The One', yet failed to see what you had was already great. I'm assuming the relationship didn't have any serious issues except you being hesitant on him being 'The One'.
I think you should be certain that you're not realising it's a mistake just because you haven't found anyone else. If you have and still realise it's a mistake then I will take that back.
How long ago did you split? Is there a chance of you getting back together? If there isn't, and you're absolutely sure of it, then I think you should move on.
If he really is 'The One', then you will find a way back into each others lives. If you can't be with him, I don't think it is good to dwell on the past, move forward and be happy with what you have, and what you could have.
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female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (29 July 2009):
 anything is possible.
sometimes as we grow older we learn from life experiences and become wiser.
this in turn makes us look back on our lives and wish we had acted differently with certain people.
you dont have a time machine to go back, so dont look to the past too much.
learn from the past, but focus ahead.
good luck!
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female
reader, xXAlexxX +, writes (29 July 2009):
I think you've got a case of 'the grass is greener on the other side' If you where sure that this guy wasn't for you, then why do you think differently now? I bet it's just because you've broken up & now you can't have him.
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