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male
,
anonymous
writes: Hey, I'm an 18 yr old gay and in February of this year I thought that I had found the love of my life. We really clicked and were stuck to each other like glue. We finally got together but a week later I had to go on holiday. When I got back he had to go on holiday so we didn't really see each other for a long period of time, even though in this time we were texting and ringing each other constantly.Finally we were seeing each other again for ages and the love between us had grown even stronger. He was always over me and I was always over him we were like a rash.Then one day when I had been out, I got home and decided to give him a phone call, as it was his birthday the next morning. This is where everything started to go downhill and the love he had for me disappeared. He told me that he didn't think that it was going to work between us, that he was bisexual and none of his friends or family knew about his sexuality. But we liked each other so much and I just don't understand how some sort of switch quickly clicked off for the love he had for me!We are no longer together but I do think of him every day and wish I could have him back!The hard thing now, after not being with him for 6 months, is that he is now seeing another bloke and his friends know about his sexuality. I feel trapped and really feel as though I need him to complete me. How can he just change his mind so quickly and why did he lose his love for me? I'm so confused! I've tried speaking to him but all he says is "that was then, this is now". I don't think he knows how much he has hurt me and I'm hurting every single day knowing I don't have him.Can you please give me some advice on what to do? It would be very much appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, pops +, writes (24 November 2005):
Of course you are hurt. Anyone would be. It happens to all of us. You will survive. Find another lover. Your friend tried to let you down gently when he dumped you with that " I'm bisexual, and my friends don't know about my sexuality." line. People change their minds, and feelings all the time. It is often particularly hard on Gay people, who feel so alone most of the time. Go out an meet other gay men. Be a little more careful about protecting your feelings from being hurt. Don't fall in love with the first guy who smiles at you. Yes, we all crave attention and love, but a relationship is built on commitments, and like any house, its built one brick at a time. Get to know the next guy over a long period of time. Talk to any new guy about his past relationships. That can be a big clue as to how he deals with lovers, and what his interests are in finding a partner. I wish I could be more help, but you will have to learn to get over the heart ache on your own. We all have done it. In this, you share in common a problem for heterorsexuals.
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