A
female
age
41-50,
*Woody
writes:Hi there, this is a long going problem which I have tried to overcome and rise above but it's eating me up inside.I love my boyfriend, but what I can't understand is that he is still in contact with his ex girlfriend who lives in Germany. He has always loved her but last year I finished our relationship as I couldn't cope with the love letters they were sending back and forth. We got back together 4 months ago and he said that at that stage he knew he had to sort out his feelings and knew they would never get back together. He told me that they still contact each other but that they are friends.I stayed at his house last night and went snooping this morning (which I know I shouldn't do) and found a Christmas card from her saying that they should meet up this year!!! I am devastated and want to bring this up with him, but how do I address it. Should I think that they will meet up as friends? Her card ended with the words 'A very big hug for you'.Help please . . . .
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christmas, ex girlfriend, get back together, got back together, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007): Tell him to get lost. He is showing a massive amount of disrespect. You will never be happy and feel truly at peace.If she wasnt in Germany, you would have more than letters to worry about......
A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (17 January 2007):
 You should not snoop around, he said they would not get back together and the card if from her not from him. No sign that he was dishonest recently.
With his track record, I can understand why you did it though.
the fact that he still wants to be friends with his ex knowing your feelings about it, he cannot let her go completly.
You both need to discuss how do you move forward from here. Otherwise you may have to move on as you may get hurt again.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Okay, first thing- Is she german? I'm not sure if that matters eitherway since that is just the way that some germans end their letters. I studied the language for five years and always ended my letters like that. Even if she isn't german she's probably just adapted to the germanic way now. I think you have to give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. After all the card wasn't romantic in any way and he's said that there's nothing going on.
CD
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A
male
reader, candyman44 +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Hi.
I feel that if you stay in this relationship you will spend your life in misery.For your friend to be exchanging love letters with his ex should tell you that there is something deeper between them,and you are second best to him.Do not accept this situation and move on and find someone who looks upon you as number one.Mistrust is the biggest killer of relationships.
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A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 I think you should talk to him straight ahead and ask him to move on from her completetly until the wounds are healed and even then see her only ocasionaally or even together with you if not then you should move away from this ill relationship which can only cause u suffering and shame
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A
female
reader, eternalleroze  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Dear Woody,
Hi there ,
I am sure you love you boyfriend a lot , and i'm sure he does too.As he said he has defenitley sorted his feelings out about his ex and has got back with u four months ago ( i hope he initiated the getting back).
If he did , then you have nothing to worry , its just his ex trying to tempt him again into a relationship , however remember he chose for you and not for her.
So be strong and when he comes home sit down and have a serious chat about how you love him and are really happy to get back with him.Also tell him what you re willing to put into this relationship and what you expect from him ( keep this open so you can have a clear discussion);
i dont think he will appreciate your snooping cos that will make him think you dont trust him , so tell him that you are willing to share all the secrets of your life with him and would love for him to trust you enough to share with you , his feelings , his sentiments and emotons or doubts.
Don't feel jealous , cos it weakens you - be strong instead and have faith.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): Well dear for this never can tell of the truth... but it is posible that they can meet your as friends but what you should do now is asking to your boy friend how faithful he is to you.. that you dont want to be hurt and if he knows he is going back to that his ex girl.. that he should please just let you know.. that it will be better to hear from him or finding out as rumos...
hope this help and if you have any more questions please to send me a private mail.
Thanks
Akhere
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