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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm a 22 year old girl and my 24 year old boyfriend and I have been going out for nearly 5 years. I wasn't initially attracted to him but when we got talking I noticed he had a different, positive way of thinking which appealed to me. He was only 19 at the time but he had set up his own business at 17, had a strong desire to make money and was full of remarkable ideas. I had never talked to anyone around my own age who was so focused on their future and wanted the same things I did. He gave me a different perspective of looking at the world which then in turn lead to me starting my own business a couple years later. We both enjoy the fine things in life and are set on reaching our goals of being successful and having financial freedom so we can live the 'high life'. The problem is that when we first met we were all over each other at every opportunity, sex was a big part of our lives. We were living together not long after we met but had to move into my mums house for 6 months, 3 years ago when we were both having financial difficulties. Having sex regularly became a bit of an issue but we still got by. When he moved out we lived separately for a while and we found we still didn't have regular sex. I wasn't really as interested anymore as it felt routine and I was too familiar with all his moves. We'd already done most of of the sexual things we'd wanted to do together throughout our relationship so to me it seemed hard to spice up. My boyfriend wasn't bothered by it, he just wanted sex with me in any way, shape or form. We have now gone from having sex a few times every day to once a week then once a month to not at all. In my mind it is because there is no longer any lust. He has given up on initiating sex because he knows I'll reject him. Over the last year he's gained a beer belly and although he has never been overly fashionable I find his constantly casual clothes, never changing hair and carelessness with his appearance is getting to me - although he's not unclean. I'm no longer sexually attracted to him anymore and even though I had thought our personalities complimented each other so much that we were meant to be I now find myself picking on parts of his personality that never bothered me before. I still love him overall but I'm not sure if I was ever inlove with him. We still hug and talk to each other but only give each other a peck on the lips and no longer have sex. I do want sex but with someone who makes me swoon. Someone who is sexy, stylish, artistic and deep - things I think my boyfriend lacks. If we broke up and I found someone with these qualities would I then be satisfied? Or would I be sacrificing a valuable long-term love with someone who treats me like a princess and wants the same future? What if I got my hot guy fix then realised I'd done the wrong thing, would I ruin what I've got. My boyfriend thinks that I'd discover that I can't find my ideal and that we're meant to be but by then he says it would be too late. He'd be with someone who loves him flaws and all and wouldn't want me after I've been with another guy. We live together so it's not an easy decision to make... Perhaps we need a break? Perhaps we should stay together because this is what relationships are like after 5 years or perhaps I should start a new life but is it possible to find long-term happiness with my 'dream guy'? I'm so confused and don't want to hurt my boyfriend because he's also my friend but I need some lust in my life. Help!!!
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (5 March 2006):
 Hi there, will try my best to help you out.
You mentioned in your posting that u feel u love this guy overall but u arent sure if u were ever in love with him. You have to think carefully what u feel for him and how u will feel if he is no longer there. If u dont love him then perhaps its best to leave.if u do love him then stay and work hard in your relationship to achieve what u want. relationship is hardwork.
what most people fails to realise is that love is action not words. love trascends all barriers and obstacles. If u truly love him his pot belly will really mean a thing to you. if at all it does then u should be thinking of help him shaping out not looking for someone else. u arent even sure how the next guy will look in five years time. supposing he comes out with a bald head what happens?
Also, to be loved is a blessing and to love others is an opportunity to bless another. it is obvious that this guy means alot to you and you had a fulfiling sexual relationship once. so what went wrong exactly? If u are still in love with him then you need to have a seriously discussion with your partner. sex is a very important part of a relationship. Tell him how to please you, and if possible take the initiative. If u truly love him then u shouldnt have secrets from him, help him express himself to you. Relationship sometimes isnt a bed of roses and resentment occur once in a while and if u truly love him then u should resolve it and not rush into the arms of another man who might even make u regret leaving someone who loved u so much.Having a great guy like yours who treats you like a princess is worth fighting for or dont you think.
The decision is your really, i sincerely wish u all the best.
All the best.
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