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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm a 51 year old widow (going on 3 yrs now). I met an incredibly exciting, interesting, sexy man several months ago on an internet dating service. He's 53, married once many, many years ago. Divorced for about 27 years. He's self proclaimed free spirit. Started out our "relationship" cautioning me not to get attached. Says he's left plenty of good women for no good reason over the years and can't be trusted to stay. He's only lived with a couple of women for a few months in the past 27 years and hasn't even been that attached for at least 12 years. Okay, fine. We had both been celibate for a long time - huge sexual attraction so I decide to go for it. No expectations, no strings attached and we start this hot sexual thing.Well, 7 months later we are still going. He spends all of his weekends with me. Besides the sex, we have a great time, exploring places we've never been, hiking, movies, playing music and singing. Plenty of talk. We've gotten to know one another pretty well.We've settled into an easy comfortable routine. He keeps in close touch. We email or phone almost daily and our weekends are expected. I really didn't think this would last more than a month or two. But 7 months later......well, I'm pretty confused. He makes remarks about stuff we will be doing or sharing in the future. He's really dependable and helpful and sweet. Treats me really good. Not at all what I was expecting. I would like to discuss what's up, why is he still coming around, but I know him well enough that if I try and take our conversation to that place that he will bolt. He's got a fearful, attachment problem. Likes all of it, just sense he's afraid. Do you think there are any sure fire signals to let me know if he's just still coming around for the sex or if he has "fallen in love", without having to actually make him talk about it? I'm pretty guarded myself cause I'm really enjoying our "arrangement" and don't want to scare him off. But if there could be serious consideration in our future I would kinda like to know. The thing that makes me need to know is that he won't hang with my friends or meet my family. Our thing is just me and him and I would like to share "us" with the rest of me but he resists that. I'm absolutely 100% certain there is no other woman in his life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2006): My guy has a very similar background to yours, the same attitude but - despite great mutual attraction - keeps postponing any time together. You are very lucky to have your man share all this time with you, particularly as he's so shy of any commitment. You don't need a label for your relationship to make it work, if it feels right and you're happy then just enjoy what you have. The future will take care of itself.
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (27 February 2006):
 ONe day your wild rover will stop roamin and hopefully it will be with you.
He has told you how it is from the start and you have accepted this so dont read so much into his staying around, if it is working for both of you then go with the flow, enjoy each other and if he settles so be it.
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