A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello! My Husband has been going through something for about a month now. We are married 7 years now and have 2 children a 5 year old and 11/2 year old.A month ago he told me I wasn't attractive to him anymore. So the past month I have been working hard on myself to loose weight for me of courseand I feel and look better to myself. I only lost 10 pounds and I could use about 7- 10 pounds more. Well it has come out that he wants us to swing. In my eyes swinging looks scanky. But I think he might cheat if I don't follow through on this. Can you give me some advice on how to get through this. I really love him. I just can't take this change in him.Thanks,Patricia
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): I am a Man myself and i am disgraced by ur husband. how can he say that and think so of you? Marriage is about Making a promise under God that u two would be united together til death you part. Now how can he think so that way. talk to ur husband let him know ur feelings,ur needs,and ask for his needs,let him remember why u both married,what was the purpose of ur relationship and the purpose of ur time together. If he only liked u because he found u attractive by skin deep alone then that is shameful of him. im not saying u should not of married ur man but U should attempt to keep ur marriage and relationship. U should let him know why would u waant to do that? tell him whats wrong with me? am i not the woman u made a promise on our wedding day that ull spend the rest of ur life with me?? he should be able to Acknowledge the fact you both made a promise TOGETHER that u would want to spend the rest of ur life together which also means that u would have Trust,Loyalty,perseverance,and much devotion and thought into ur Marriage
I hope this helped. Good day
A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (1 October 2007):
 Darling if you dont want to swing tell him, marriage is about honesty and trust just tell him how you feel and he should respect that,try spicing up your sex life dress up be someone else for a few hours, if he wants to sleep with other people let it be you in disguise. Just be honest with him and if he still wants to sleep around re think your marriage, marriage is meant to be about compromise but i think this is one thing you cant compromise swinging is just another way of saying cheating.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (1 October 2007):
 Hi Patricia . Love, trust and respect are essential in a relationship. This applies to the feelings for yourself as well as your partner. Only you can decide whether you want to do this. If you're comfortable with it then that's OK. If you're not comfortable that's OK too - but don't do it because someone else wants you to do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): If he's going to cheat, he'll do it whether you're there in a swingers party together or whether he's on his own. The only difference I can see is that if you went swinging you'd both be cheating.
Why drag yourself down to his level? If you don't want to do this sort of thing then don't! If it feels good, do it, if not, don't. Simple rule, that one.
It's good that you're taking a bit of care over your appearance, but you shouldn't be doing it for him and him alone - do it because you want to, not because you're afraid of the consequences if you don't.
This sounds to me a bit like the classic '7 year itch'!
If he insists on going ahead with it without you, make sure he wears a condom in future, and tell him beforehand this is what you will require and if he doesn't that the gate will be firmly shut. It might concentrate his mind a bit.
Phil
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 October 2007):
 I think he knows you're not into swinging and would not try it, so he gives you this sugar-coated poisoned apple that will let him keep the marriage AND see other women, while you stay at home and not see other men. It's a win-win situation for him.
I don't think he is a real swinger. I suppose that, if he were, he would have suggested swinging long ago, and he wouldn't have waited seven years. And, is it only chance that he suggests this after he said he didn't find you attractive anymore? I don't think so.
Maybe my definition of cheating would be old-fashioned, but, in my mind, if he wants to be with other women, no matter how he calls it, it's cheating. It wouldn't be any less cheating because you accepted it. And, it wouldn't be any less cheating if you cheated on him yourself, either.
Let's suppose that he really were a swinger. That would not mean you would need to go into it to preserve the marriage. Why wouldn't he NOT swing, to preserve the marriage?
You say you've lost ten pounds and could lose ten more. Well, let's say you were overweight by 25 pounds. So what? That would not be so serious a problem, I think. You are obviously trying to keep him with you, and it seems to me you're failing at it. It's not that you're bad, or ugly, or anything; don't underestimate yourself. But, the marriage has problems, and that is what you would need to take care of. By "you" I mean "you two", not only you.
Keep working out if that makes you feel better. Exercise is always a good thing. But, don't lose the perspective: it seems the weight is not the real problem here.
Don't think you're the only one who has to work to save the marriage. At the very least, it's not ONLY your fault.
Take care, Patricia.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): what a horrible thing to say to you,dont he remember the words"for better for worse".as much as you love him dont be pushed into swinging,as for cheating on you no matter what you do he`s going to cheat,he`s already considered that to the alternative if you dont swing,one way or another your gonna get hurt,unless you get out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): You shouldn't have to change for him! That's good that you want to lose weight for yourself, but doing that and even swinging out of fear that he might cheat is ridiculous! If my fiance or husband or anyone ever told me they wanted to try swinging I would flip out and leave them! You deserve so much better! Swinging is horrible, especially for a marriage-why get married if you are going to do that?! Drop your husband immediately! Let us know what you do! take care
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