A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am happily married to my soul mate and the love of my life. he gives me everything i need and want. But he doesn't make me feel sexy. He always wants to have sex and gives me many of compliments. we talk about everything and i mean everything. we have our own social lives as far as clubs and bar hopping. I made the mistake of telling him that i hooked up with a man (no sex) one nite at a club and he completely changed. doesn't trust me at all and accuses me of having sex with the man. in some ways i think that the constant reminder of what i did and how hurt he is was the reason that pushed me to have an affair with him. I have been seeing him now secretly for 3 weeks. we drink and smoke together ( something i do not do with my husband) and then have sex. the sex is good but he doesnt make me feel desired, basically the affair wasn't what i thought it would be. now i need to know how to stop before I get caught and hurt my husband. pls anyone have any advise?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): When people discover they just arent compatible with their partners they usually seek counselling or make an honest attempt at communication to see if it can be worked out. Afterall you got married to this person and you owe it to him to try and work it out.
However, you have chosen the most cowardly route, you are sleeping with another man behind his back. That doesnt really put you in a high bracket as far as morals and loyalty goes does it?
You are most likely uncompatible, your age lists you as between 22-25 so you still have some growing up to do, its probable that you have just outgrown each other. But, do your husband a favour, come clean and let him live his life with someone who will respect him for who he is.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): Stop the Affair, and end things before its tolate according to ur first few sentence u will want to have a nice long honest talk with ur husband and stick with him,he is ur Husband after all,need i not Remind you all that Marriage also means u r devoting urself to a person u want to spend the rest of ur life with through a religious promise. And a Promise of love~
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (1 October 2007):
 Three things stand out in your posting: (1) Husband doesn't make you feel sexy (2) Husband accuses you of having sex with another man - which you are. (3) Husband feeling hurt pushed you into having affair.
It does seem as if you are trying to blame your husband for a choice that you made.
Your question though is how to stop now you've started an affair but without describing any complication. Are you in love with the boyfriend? Do you fear the boyfriend will contact your husband? Otherwise just end it.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (1 October 2007):
 What is so hard about ending an affair that "wasn't what you thought it would be". Be a women and be honest with the guy.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 October 2007):
 I concur, just knock off this nonsense immediately. end of story.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): You've answered your own question - just stop the affair. End of story!
Phil
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