A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple of months, initially he was so keen and was talking about our future, plans, and meeting friends/family, but this has completely changed recently!He knew from the start that my father had cancer, which he said he would more than support me with (despite the fact that both of his parents died from cancer). In the last 2-3 weeks he’s taken a step back, saying my priority needs to be my family (which I know), but he’s still there. However he’s been less tactile and quite distant, I feel as though there is more going on and we’re both quite busy however he has just told me that he can’t be romantically tied right now, he said he’s not going anywhere but he can’t give me what I need. He’s labelled us as “friends” but knows there is more, I said I can’t be friends, I care about him which he agreed with, saying he’s not looking for anyone else, however said if it was to end things then it’s okay as there isn’t anything to end as such. I feel so confused, he said he’s been honest and straight with me but I feel likes he’s contradicting, he said we can’t sleep together as it complicates things however were obviously more then friends. What the hell am I suppose to do or think. I’m so unsure and feel really quite upset! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2019): This means you have to dial-back your feelings and decide if you'll continue further contact. Unless people reciprocate your feelings and are on the same page; no amount of discussion or fretting about it will change that.
He has been upfront and straightforward that he is not ready for a relationship. Like you, and anybody else on the planet; he can change his mind. Although you care about him, he isn't seeing things as he did earlier on. That happens sometimes. You feel good in a moment, and you become very optimistic; then reality sets-in. Your common-sense catches-up with you; and your initial impressions and feelings can change.
He's doing his best to let you down easy. You're persisting that he return to where you were initially. You can keep trying to push things to be the way you want them; but eventually, he'll just end it altogether.
This post is familiar. I think you've written it before; maybe in the hopes someone will give you a magic way to make someone change how they feel about you. There is no advice people can give to make someone who tells you they only want to be friends reverse those feelings to romantic-love. He's contradicting himself to spare your feelings. You're being a bit persistent! He talked himself into a romantic-quagmire. He spoke too much, too soon!
If he doesn't want to go down the road dealing with cancer again; I don't think he has to convince you one-way or another. You're an adult, and you will have to accept this for what it is. Or...keep sulking and fretting over it. I think your mind and energies would be better directed to your father and family right-now. They need you more than he does.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 May 2019):
 I think he is just giving you space to deal with your Dad and his illness.
He might feel that (for you) this isn't the BEST time to get into a relationship and he doesn't want to take advantage since you are in a sort of vulnerable time in your life. He has BEEN there, done that with TWO parents so he obviously know that it's hard to juggle both a new relationship AND cancer in a loved one.
And he told you IF friendship is NOT what you want (and that is what he is offering at the moment) then breaking up is understandable since the two of you aren't really a well established relationship as it has only been a couple of months.
If you don't want what he is offering, then WISH him well and let HIM move on.
You might WANT a serious relationship with him, but that is OFF the table from his side. You got to respect that, whether you like it or not.
...............................
|
