A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel so confused at the moment. I have basically been in a relationship with a lovely guy for the past 7 months. He is in the army, so it has been hard going but we have made it work. But now he is talking about being made redundant, which is something he is not too worried about as he wants out. So i said to him that at least it would mean we could see eachother more often and not have to worry about him going on tour,etc. But then he told me that he is thinking of working over seas!!!!!!! I feel like i have been wasting my time, but at the same time i'm not sure he even knows what he wants. I feel like he has just stomped on my feelings and he obviously hasn't really been thinking about where we are going in the future. I really love him, but i don't know where i stand with him anymore. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 Worrying will get you no where. Sit down and talk with him.
You have been in this for 7mos, but has there been any serious discussion about your relationship?
Ask him how serious are his plans for moving overseas and if that means he expects there to be a long distance relationship or??
If he makes it clear that he has not thought that far ahead-keep in mind you have ONLY spent 7 mos with him. Not 7 years, not 17 years...months.
Yes, it hurts, but sometimes relationships get these "false starts". He may just be in a frame of mind where he is thinking about himself, his career and does not see a big commitment in his future with a woman. This may be his way of "breaking it to you gently".
Some guys are REALLY bad at letting girls know that hey are pulling away, so they drop hints instead.
Sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Get the facts and then make some decisions that are best for you:)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): To be honest, I am in support of your partner, I'm guessing that he is about your age range, and I think it's perfectly acceptable for young people to want to go and work overseas and travel and have all that experience before settling down. You may be able to work it out and find a compromise together that suits both of you, or maybe you will have to end your relationship, I can't tell you that. However, I don't think it is fair of you to force someone else not to have an amazing, life changing opportunity, just because it doesn't suit you. If this was a case of a man stopping a woman from living her life and achieving her goals, I'm sure people would be outraged. Also 7 months isn't that long for a relationship, especially when you say you have only 'basically' been in a relationship. You first need to talk to your partner about what your relationship actually is before you get angry about him moving away, you can't blame him for not thinking about your future together when you don't even know yourself what to call your relationship.
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A
male
reader, rtotheluvwish95 +, writes (23 August 2011):
 Tough... ask yourself "do you care about trying to maintain the relationship, or protecting your own feelings?" You may need to TEST HIS INTENT before you continue to try anymore "progressive relationship actions" (calling, texting, inviting, buying stuff for him, etc) with this lovely guy. You need to ask the SERIOUS, UPFRONT questions about y'alls' relationship (that is... if ur not afraid of rejection). If you're confident enough in ur own ability to find another mate, then asking these serious questions should be no problem, as you respect yourself and wouldn't desire to be in "relationship-limbo" with someone. See if he feels the same as you do. You seem like you already have a hunch tho'... good luck
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