| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hello everyone, I need some advice. I moved in with my boyfriend after only being together for 4 months. Before we moved in together everything was perfect and we got on so well. When we lived together we used to bicker as we saw each other literally every single day and never went out of the house (we also work together). Things came to a head when we had a big row a few weeks ago as we were both drunk at a work party and I told him to get out of the house. We met up for a drink last night to discuss things and he has said that he is unsure of his feelings for me. He said when we were together, the things he should have loved about me, such as the way I eat, turned into things that irritated him and that he didn’t ever feel like doing anything special for me, like getting me flowers, and that also bothered him. He said if we were meant to be together, then the row we had on Saturday night would not have happened and he would not have walked out. He said since we broke up he had missed me, but not as much as he thought he would. After all this, he asked if we can see each other maybe once a week as friends and see what happens. I am unsure of what to do because if I go out as friends I will feel under pressure to “perform” so that he will like me and want to be with me again. I am quite hurt about all this so don’t know if I can be all happy and have fun with him at the flick of a switch. He says he wants to get to know me again, but not under any pressure for us to get back together. I feel like he has me waiting for him (as he knows how I feel) and that he can just click his fingers when or if he decides to be with me again. What should I do?
View related questions:
broke up, drunk, flowers, get back together, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): If you want to be then yes and if you just can't seem to muster up the excitment; why force something so no, what you are feeling is valid.
On the surface it appeared you were compatible but when it came down to it, you weren't or you both just weren't as forgiving and you both did not realize the other had flaws and faults and irksome quirks and made the choice to ACCEPT the other AS IS.
So your tolerance levels for one another were not what you both had thought or wanted them to be. This happens.
That you both realize it won't work is absolutely fine. Two adults that recognize problems and then solve it; you did what you could.
A failed relationship does not mean a failed life or that you won't find the one you are hoping for.
By the way; what does the "perfect" man look like to you and what do you know of yourself in that you know what you need from a partner?
Then there is that whole Type A and Type B, what your motivations are, introverted, extraverted, emotional stability...some personalities and life habits will clash with others.
Just think about what will make you happy and trust in yourself.
Best Wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, I am 30 and he is 27. We have both lived with previous partners, so we were not that naive. I am now confused about how I feel about all this. I think we just spent too much time together, and if I'm honest, there were things that irritated me about him slightly when we were together and occasionaly when he went away with work, I almost felt good about having the place to myself and doing waht I wanted. The thing I can't understand is that we were so compatible, we liked the same things and both had a laugh together, why has it gone so wrong? I really thought that this was the person I was going to spend the rest of my lif with. However, I am now questioning my feelings for him as well, and it is made worse by the fact that we work on the same floor, so even though we do not speak now, we still "see" each other every day. We decided, when we last met up, that we would see each other for a drink next week and see how it goes... to see if we do still get on as friends... and I should be excited about this, but I am not. It is not that I don't want to go, it's just that I should be more excited about it shouldn't I??
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): Perfect?
You mean you both turned the blind eye to one another's flaws, and were more forgiving of the other as well as still in the process of making the good impression. The majority of us do this.
Maybe he doesn't think he can snap his fingers to get you back. Maybe he doesn't know what the hell is going on. IT is possible for a man to be confused and/or clueless especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
What are your ages? Have you both had previous experience with long term dating? Co-habitation?
It was a very short period of time to just go with the whim of let's move in and not sit down together and make up what are our rules on living together, paying bills, what do we expect from the other, what are our roles, can we fulfill them?
Living with another person is a big life decision.
I say give yourself some time to heal. Make sure it's over.
That he says all that I don't know what I feel for you but let's be friends...emotionally gives you hope and it does come across as underhanded.
I say sever it and don't do the let's be friends. Make it as clean as possible.
Best Wishes.
...............................
|
