A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay here is my problem my bf is 24 and im 31 he is a teacher. He wants to go on a skiing holiday FOR A WEEK in spring break with a female teacher who is 27 just the two of them to do see if the venue is suitable and it will not cost anything. She doesnt have a bf and never has to my knowledge. I really do not want him to go but he thinks i am being unreasonable. He texts this girls constantly and and i am really jealous. I would welcome your opinions on this. I dont ski so if i went with them have to spend it in ski school.PLEASE HELP
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): Your boyfriend is very young and he may be testing you to see how much you care and to see how clingy you get.
If he is not inviting you it could be because you are not a skier. I ski, and I ski well. I don't enjoy skiing with someone who is just learning, because it slows me down and I don't have much fun doing it, lift tickets are nearing on $100 day in Colorado my favorite ski area, so I don't mess around. It could be the reason your boyfriend is going with her, find out how well she skis...sometimes it is just hard to find someone to ski with you, and it is kind of dangerous and lonely to do it alone....you need help if you lose a ski up the mountain from you after falling and skiing is a dangerous sport, you can injure yourself, so it is important to have someone watch your back.
I think if you acted like you trusted him and let him go this would stand his hair on end...act like you are not too happy about him leaving you and going with her, that you are a bit hurt, but you will be find left to your own devices...ask him to call you and check in at least once...I bet he will regret having left you and either come home early or call and show regret....and when he comes home be ready with the candles and the sexy.....whatever.
I had a boyfriend when I was 20 that was 23, he did this same thing to me and went on a canoe trip with old friends from his home town, I was not invited, but I sent him off with a kiss, he showed up two days later (he was supposed to be gone a week) and knocked at the door of my place and kissed me and swooped me up in his arms and told me he was a real idiot for going off without me, and I never nagged him or threw a fit....I just let him know I was fine with or without him, and that worried him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): Eyeswideopen, Stina and Pete are dead-on with this. I think the most surprising and saddening thing about your posting, is your bf never even thought to ask you to go along, in the first place. I am sorry..how hurtful and unthinking of him.I don't blame you for feeling this way. How insignificant that must have made you feel. Well hun, here's your big chance to stand out! You tell him no-he doesn't go without you...plain and simple. And don't let him hang the 'you're jealous..you don't trust me' line on you. That is bullcrap and that should tell you a thing or two about his committment and maturity levels. This is an issue of respect and honor for his number one woman...you. So-you tell him, "make room in the car for me!" Good luck, hun and I hope he never does this to you again.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (29 January 2007):
 Hey Anon,
I agree with eyes, as well. And I wouldn't worry about not knowing how to ski. Tell your guy that you want him to teach you! It would probably be fun for the both of you - if he didn't have any other ideas in his head. Who wouldn't want to go on a vacation with their lover for a week? It doesn't sound from your post like you guys need a "break" - like you're having a bad relationship or anything. So if you tag along, then it shouldn't be a problem.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): How do you keep your temper???? I would of flipped by now! He constantly texts her. She is single. They are going away for a week. This reminds me of Allo Allo when Renee was caught out, and he called his wife a 'Stupid woman'! He is having a laugh and then probably blaming you for being jealous! Come on! Who in their right heads would let this happen. Tell him straight you are not happy. I wouldn't for one minute put up with that!
Take care and mind where you shove them skis.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): I agree with eyeswideopen I don't think you're being unreasonable.
If you are cool with the idea, great. But if not, you're within your rights to tell him you don't want him to go!
The fact he texts this women "constantly" is very troubling. No wonder you don't want him to go alone with her.
... a weeks skiing Holiday with a girl who is single and who he texts constantly, I'm surprised he expects to get away with this... there's more to this story ...
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (29 January 2007):
 I agree with CD206.
The female friend might just be like "one of the guys" if you know what I mean. Wink, wink. And I think you do.
He'll love you more if you trust him . . . and don't nag him.
Besides, it will give you a chance to do those little things you need to do around the house while he's gone. Or you could go to skiing school while he's gone and surprise him when he returns, so next year, you'll be on top of the ski trip list.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): Yeah but how does it look letting your boyfriend go away on holidays with a unattached female. Waiting for something to happen not willing to take the chance. My point of view is that if he cared enough about me he would spare my feelings
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (29 January 2007):
 He's a grown up so it's not really a question of whether you allow him to go or not because if he wants to go he'll go with or without your approval. It seems to me that if he's intent on going, you being happy and trusting about it is a much better idea. If you get grumpy on him and suspect him of cheating he's more likely to go away with that picture of you in his head and more likely to cheat. The best thing you can do is accept that he's going and tell him you'll miss him.
CD
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 January 2007):
 I certainly would not let any boyfriend of mine go on a week long skiing holiday with another female, that's for sure. If he's determined to go, you had better wax those skis and pack your bags too. Skiing is fun so enjoy ski school.
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