A
female
age
36-40,
*icoleray143
writes:Ok my fiance went totally religious on me and were on not going to have Sex anymore untill we get married, let me make it clear that we are engaged with no set date at all :-( this past sunday i went to church with him for the first time and we havnt been having Sex now for over a month, and he hasnt been mentioning it and i dont want to have to hint around but i have a feeling i know what the problem is 'he does not want to have Sex untill we are Married, ever since he said it one time Joking 'i think he was really serious, my Q is a lot of people 'most people believe and love God but they still have Sex..is that Bad and how should i feel about what my Fiance wants (No Sex untill marriage)?? I feel like 'Hurry up and Marry me then HAHA but of course we want to save money and have a perfect wedding and that means this can be a couple years at least. What should i do and how should i feel??
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Why is it that NEITHER one of you has brought this up for discussion? Doesn't sound like you're ready for marriage yet if the two of you can't be open and communicate about something as big as this.
A
male
reader, steph007  +, writes (21 December 2010):
Having sex or not is a common decision of a couple. I would not stay with him if he is so obsessively religious.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Pay attention to what CaptainObvious said because it's very accurate. What your fiance has done is not just a "little" thing. He made a major decision about your relationship without discussing it with you. I can see if he sat down with you and said "Honey, now that we are engaged, what do you think about not having sex until we are married?" or something along those lines. He should be seeking your opinion, not automatically making decisions without you. Second, this could definitely be a sign of things to come. What else is he suddenly going to change his mind about?
Differences in religious beliefs are not uncommon. People can make a relationship work. However, the best chance of making a relationship work with such differences is to discuss them openly in the beginning. As CaptainObvious said, you have to think about the future, including children. Do you want his beliefs passed on to them?
This wouldn't be as big of a deal if he didn't already agree to have sex with you. The problem is, he did and now he's just suddenly changing his mind without discussing it with you. You two really need to sit down and have a talk with him. This will help eliminate anymore issues like this in the future.
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A
male
reader, CaptainObvious +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Also consider the broader ramifications of his sudden religious epiphany.
What does this church believe?
Do you agree?
Do you want your children raised to believe the same things?
It would not be unreasonable at all for you to say:
"Now waaaaaait a minute. I need some time to get to know the new you and any previous commitments are contingent upon me being comfortable with the changes."
Getting/losing/changing religion is a totally valid reason to put on the breaks, or break it off entirely.
At the very least, I'd adopt a "wait and see" approach.
Sudden religious conversions tend to be fleeting, but whether it's permanent or temporary, this is not the same guy anymore.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 There's no answer to how you should feel. You tell us how you feel. What are your thoughts about this, have you and your boyfriend talked about this? Are you setting the date then? It sounds like he wants to be married soon since he doesn't want sex before marriage, but it is vital that you BOTH agree to this! No sex until marriage can be a good thing, but it doesn't sound good if it is his way or the highway. I fear that once you get married he can continue to play things the way he wants them without concern for you.
Talk this out with him.
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