A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I'm not even really sure where to begin this. I guess more than anything I just need a place to vent and have a little feedback.My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. I'm 21 and he's 27. We met online and lived 70 miles apart. After knowing and meeting up with each other for about 6 months I moved to live with him. Gave up a job that I loved and my friends and family behind.I lived with him in a strange area with nothing going for me (no job or friends) for a year and a half. Then the place he worked at started dropping staff and he had to find somewhere else to work, so we both agreed that we'd moved to where we are now (the area I'm originally from).He now has a great job and made new friends. He's only been living here for 7 months and he's already claiming that he's home sick and wants to move back. We spoke about it last night and I told him that I couldn't go through that again, but he's pretty much got his heart set on moving back with or without me. I don't know what to think! I kind of feel that he'd rather get shot of his home-sick feeling than give anything chance. Compared to what I had, he has everything going for him here, and he wants to throw it all away so that he can go and live back with his mum... Or is it me that's wrong and am I being selfish??Thanks x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): Dear Poster
I am very proud of you; it is good that you had the talk; I am sorry that he is not more committed to you and the relationship;Yeah, I know that is hurting you lots right now, BUT you are right; if he is not investing more into the relationship now; if he wants to jump when there is some trouble waters, what will he do in rough waters?
You are better off MOVING ON now; it will hurt and yeah, always remember we are here for you;
You are very wise and I am very proud of you; from your update I can see that you have a good perspective of the situation and you realize that there is no long term FUTURE.
Well done; you DESERVE better. It will take time and sometimes you might even doubt your decision, BUT always remember, you have to be HAPPY to make those around you happy.
You know what to do; MOVE ON.
Keep us updated; we are here for you and always remember:
Keep SMILING.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response :)
Well I spoke to him and all I got was that he's confused and "not interested in life". He said it sparked when things started getting rough. To be fair, we are in a bit of money troubles but we're working them out. Or at least I thought we were. But I don't get why he'd bail on me for that... I'm struggling too.
I don't think there's any point in trying to save this relationship if he's getting scared now. There would be bigger problems somewhere down the line, so I don't feel like I can depend on him anymore... :(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): Dear Poster
It sounds as if you are at cross roads with this guy and the relationship.
I suggest you have a good HEART to HEART discussion with him about the REAL ISSUES involved here; why does he want to move? How does he feel about the relationship? Is this his way of "cooling" it? Or is he maybe even trying to run away from fear of "commitment"?
I don't think you are selfish, but I do think you have to DISCUSS the situation; if you both want this relationship to work and value and love each other; then I suggest you both have to COMPROMISE and try and find a SOLUTION that will accommodate the NEEDS and WANTS of both parties.
Life is give and take!
BUT
I suggest you need to establish the importance of the relationship to BOTH parties and the FUTURE of the relationship; then and then only will you be able to work on a plan to find a solution to this problem.
Hope this is of some assistance. Keep us posted.
Best wishes and keep SMILING.
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