A
female
age
41-50,
*afe
writes:Hello, I have been communicating with this guy online for about two months, and he has expressed that he wants to meet me in person over the Christmas holiday. I REALLY like him; he seems like a great guy. –But I have two concerns; 1) I am very comfortable by emails, I can be funny and even clever, but when it comes to interact with people in person, I am very very shy; I just do not feel the same comfort, and I am afraid that he would find me as a complete different person than the one he has met by emails. 2) couple years ago I had a bad car accident and that stopped me from driving (I did not get a new driver’s license after that so I do not have one), so if he comes, I am not sure how I am going to show him around or go to get him at the airport, but I have not tell him about this, should I?. Although, I consider myself smart, independent, very loving and caring; I am terribly shy interacting with people. He has a PhD, and his online profile stays that he is looking for a “smart girl”, over the emails he seems to think I could be that girl, but I am afraid he will think I am not that person because of these two issues.- I need some advice as how to handle this situation. Thank you in advance.
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female
reader, Mafe +, writes (13 December 2011):
Mafe is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hello Everyone,
Thank you so much for your valuable advice. He has decided to come in January, and not for Christmas, so I have decided to get back in the driving thing before he gets here.
Thank you again for your wonderful advice. I will keep you updated as how things go!
A
male
reader, adamskidude  +, writes (4 December 2011):
 It's christmas, give it a try :) you only live one and all that. Better to find out now than later that you guys dont work.
Be safe though! never meet alone and all that internet safety stuff!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): I think its time for you to be upfront about your car accident and understandable fear of getting a new license. So letting him know your concerns about getting about is good to mention. Perhaps the both of you can problem solve then.
Also telling him you are a shy person so will need patience as you warm up is also a good thing to share so he is not put off.
Smart. What does that have to do with being shy or having no license? Sorry I don't follow on that one.
Smart/Intelligence is about what you have shared with him via emails/chats. Your intelligence would have been evident.
;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): I know how you feel with the being shy business, I am exactly the same.
Most of the guys I've met or went on dates with I spent a lot of time getting to know over email or msn mainly because we were in different towns and that was the easiest method besides the odd phone call.
what ive learnt is that when you really like someone, shyness isn't even a hurdle. My man now says he saw I was shy but he also saw as the day/evening wore on I became more myself (after a few meetings).
Of course email is so much easier. We have time to respond, we can think of smart ways to answer or comment on something. Just think of it this way, he is in the same boat and may be different in person than over the net also! It's all about knowing that background information and now finally being able to meet in person to see some of those special attributes that can't be shown on paper.
It is hard, especially when particularly shy but just be yourself, even if thats quiet and slightly awkward! Maybe even tell him beforehand that you are a shy person and youve been thnking that you've become quite comfortable with your friendship over email that you do worry he'll see you differently in person as you are quiet to begin with. He probably wont have any problems with it though!
As for the driving, maybe tell him this too. It wouldnt hurt. Just explain to him that youve been thinking of things to do when he visits (whcih is a good thing as it shows you are trying to find things you can do together!) and you didnt realise that the no licence thing will be a slight issue. Even just say its become normal for you to walk/catch a taxi or public transport. I know many people wihtout licences so theres nothing wrong with it, its normal for them. See what he suggests and maybe meet him by public transport or ask a good friend to provide a lift and sneak them some fuel money for the favour. Good luck!
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