A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi, i've been speaking to a guy off the internet for almost 2 years, first we text for almost a year then we progressed to talking on the phone, over the past few weeks we've got really close and now this guy wants too meet me, which under normal circumstances would be fantastic, the problem i have i have lied too in many ways, no excuses i'm a total idiot, but i guessed it seemed easy in the beginning because i never imagined we'd get to the stage of wanting too meet. Firstly im not the most attractive person in the world and i sent him a photo of someone else, secondly he dosent know i'm married and thirdly he thinks i only have one child whereas i have several. I really like this guy and i feel so bad for lieing too him, because it's obvious he's a decent lovely guy, but if i tell him the truth it'll really hurt him and he dosent deserve that, if i cut him out of my life it'll hurt, whichever way i do it i'm going too hurt him and i'm hurting now because i know i'll never be able too meet, which i know is my own fault. please help me im in turmoil.
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female
reader, DeeDoc  +, writes (29 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: My mom always use to tell us girls, "You can always remember the truth, but you can never remember a lie." I believe that. You can't. Not only are the lies with this guy on the internet, but the lies are within your family. I trust from posting this question, you are questioning yourself and your actions. I know that you will do what is best, not only for the guy on the internet, but for your family as well. Do the right thing, there are so many people's emotions at stake. I wish you well. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): Personally, I think you would be doing this guy a disservice if you made up some exuse not to meet with him leaving him feeling rejected.
I think you would be doing him a great favor if you told him you lied about being married with several kids and sending someone else's picture along with what ever whoppers you told, this will be a great lesson to him about the dangers of on-line relationships.
The bigger question to me is why at age 30+ with a marriage in tact and several children to care for do you feel the need to rob your family of the hours you spend in fantasy relationships with anonymous men on line? What is it about reality that bores you so much? I think you need to seek some counseling to try to find out why you are trying to meet men on line behind your family's back...you clearly have some issues here and you can't possibly be happy with yourself as you feel unattractive, perhaps you are not very proud of yourself and that is why the negative feelings you have about yourself....your husband must find you attractive right?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): if you tell him the truth you risk him never wanting to speak to you again. but the only other option is to just never speak to him again yourself because you cant carry on like this. either way, you havent got much to lose so i think you should tell him the truth. not in a text because you wont be able to explain it properly and not in a phone call cos he may hang up and not let you explain you never meant it to get that far. i think a big long essay of an email is the best way.
i'm guessing you were looking for more than friendship because you wouldnt have to lie about a husband and children to form friendships so you need to take a good look at your marriage.
and most importantly dont do this again! learn from your mistake and make sure you dont put any other man (or yourself!) through this again. good luck xxx be sure to let us know how u get on :)
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (28 January 2007):
 Why not top off your lying streak with a whopper. Tell him you've decided to start a new life as a man and that you're already half-way through the process. The only thing left is to have the schlong (penis) attached. Ask him if he has a couple of extra inches he wouldn't mind donating. If that doesn't scare him out of his wits, and out of your life, nothing will.
In the future, try being honest with everyone . . . including yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007):
If I were in your situation I'd see myself having two options
1) Break contact with him and refuse to give him any explanation whatsoever. Move on.
2) Send him an email and list every single lie and the reasons you told it.
Option 1 would be good if you choose not to risk trying to pursue something with this guy and Option 2 is if you want to take the risk. You have some pretty big porkies there(!!) but you never know how he'll react.
I do think it's a bit troubling that you are married. Perhaps the reason and purpose behind this lie-ridden relationship is not to see if you can take it to the next level but its been a way to bring you to a point where you can more clearly decide if you want to end your marriage, or, rebuild it and find the things you've lost? I feel your marriage has left you feeling neglected, starved of attention, this is why you feel unattractive and are seeking romance elsewhere. I think this relationship though was just not meant to be. The lies show that you weren't ready for a proper relationship. Is it possible for you to address the marriage situation before considering romance with someone?
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (28 January 2007):
 You have two choices here.
1. Don't tell him the truth and don't meet him. Write off the entire relationship as a mistake and always tell the truth in future.
2. Tell him the truth and hope he still wants to know you. I think your personality will win through but it depends on the guy.
CD
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (28 January 2007):
 Remember the line from X-Files: All lies point to the truth. Dont try lie your way out here. Just tell him you lied to him about pretty much everything and then stop talking to him. You dont have to explain everything, just cut him off and forget about him. Eventually he'll forget you too
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (28 January 2007):
 The best way to start any relationship of friendship is to tell the truth and be honest. If you start on a lie, you will be telling a lie to cover up a lie, and it just spirrals out of control.
I think if you like this guy tell him the truth and let him make up his own mind.
Honesty is the best policy, ( Honest ).
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (28 January 2007):
 Ok well since you've spun yourself into such a tangled mess, the only way to get out of it is to confess. BUT do not confess everything. Tell him the picture wasn't you and tell him that you cannot meet with him because you only wanted it to be an online thing and besides you've met someone now and they wouldn't approve of it. Please leave out the married with several children part of the story. He doesn't need to know that. I know being married and having several children is nothing to be ashamed of but to get yourself out of this mess quickly and easilly it is best to leave it out.
Now I hope you have learned your lesson from this: Always be honest about who you really are because if you lie from the start nothing good will come of it.
You'll have to cut him off and forget about him, because it won't be good for you if you carry on with the lies. I know you really like him but I'm afraid it's what you'll have to do now, you've spoilt all chances of being in a real friendship with this guy. It was just friendship you were after right? You weren't planning on cheating on your husband were you? I hope not.
As for your belief on not being the most attractive person, I'd advise that you don't compare yourself to others and I encourage you to view yourself in a positive way no matter what. Making negative comparissons is only going to make you feel down about yourself. From now on take care of yourself and your family and don't get caught up in anything like this again.
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