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female
,
anonymous
writes: im getting married next year. its to be a small wedding as i dont have a large family so there are only to be 40 or so guests. my fiancee wants to invite his friend and his wife whom i really cant stand.they both ignore me when i see them preferring only to speak to my fiancee, even when i address them directly they will answer my fiancee and not look in my direction.they congratulated him on our engagement and asked him to see my ring while i stood alongside. it was as if i wasnt even there. my fiancee cannot see this as he is too engrossed in their conversations while i am left out yet again. every time we are with his friends it causes an argument. he says i need to just let them come and enjoy the day; yet i cant enjoy it if they are there. i dont want to spend our wedding day in bad feeling. any advice would be gratefully recieved.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (16 November 2006):
 Hi Anon,
I'm wondering if these two people don't talk directly to you because they think you don't like them (which is true according to your post). Maybe if you try to talk with them the next time they're talking with your fiance, instead of just standing by then things might turn out to be better. For example - when they asked to see your ring, then you could have started talking about it: tell them how your guy proposed, how you felt, etc. Or talk about other stuff having to do with the upcoming wedding. I don't know the entire situation of you all, but maybe it's just a big misunderstanding.
Also, I don't think it's a very good idea to tell him not to invite his friends because you don't want him to think that all of a sudden you're turning into a control freak or anything. That's not really going to make him feel so great about getting married, don't you think? I mean, later on down the line, are you going to tell him that these people are not allowed over, as well? And if they do come over after they know you didn't want them at the wedding, don't you think that might be a little awkward for all of you?
Listen, all relationships have compromises. And this is his wedding day, too! There will be plenty of other people for you to talk with if he's conversing with them for a bit. And you might even get to know them better on the big day, too.
I know that you aren't crazy about these people, but just try and be friendly and try to get to know them again for your husband's sake (and for your's, too!).
Let me ask you this - have you all ever gotten together and done something besides just hang out and talk? Like maybe drinks and some games? Something fun and something that lets everyone be a part of what's going on. Like a party game or something. You know? You might think that's not something up your alley, but maybe you could think of something else that's more suited for you all. Or maybe when your guy's b-day is coming up, then you could have them help you plan the party. It would help you guys get to know each other better and you might end up being friends.
Well, whatever you decide, you should try to stay postive, you know? Or else you're just going to get you and your future husband upset with all of this, right?
If you've tried everything and these people still don't talk to you, then maybe you should try talking to your husband again before you all get together. Tell him what to look for. If he sees what you're talking about then maybe he could have some words with them. Or if you're really annoyed with them, then you could simply ask them what their deal is, but be prepared for them to get defensive and have it turn into an argument (obviously not the decision I would make, but just figured I'd throw that out as a possibility.)
Take care.
A
female
reader, Adelaide +, writes (16 November 2006):
Personally, I feel his friends are acting rather jealous of his relationship with you, lets face it surely they were brought up with manners so that rules out rude arrogant ignorant etc etc!!!
How rude!!!! However, I do feel that they resent the fact that he has become engaged and feel that they are going to loose his friendship once he is wed.
I do think they should be invited especially as your hubby
to be clearly wants them present. You need to put aside your feelings of resentment towards them despite the despicable way in which they have treated you.
Rise above them it will be your day and your hubby's day and two small minded people with all the will in the world cannot ruin the magic that you will be overwhelmed with on your big day.
If they try to speak to you in the near future or try to engage in conversation with you- cut them dead and give them a taste of there own medicine!!
There are no excuses for being ill mannered 2 wrongs don't make a right but I do feel on this occasion they need to be shown you are not an easy target.
Don't argue with your hubby to be again about these friends, do not give them the satisfaction that they are important enough to even be in a conversation let alone an argument.
Good Luck and Best Wishes on your Big Day
Adelaide
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006):
You do realise that the groom isnt just a prop for your staring role as The Bride?
He is entitled to have his own friends at something that is just as much his party as it is your.
The reality is that you will be much too busy posing and reposing for pictures, accepting congratulations and toasts, fulfilling duties like dances and cake cutting to Have any time to worry about them not talking to you. If you get more then 15 minutes to talk to close friends I'd be suprised- you really will be heavily scheduled.
The only way you "cant enjoy it if they are there" is if *you* force *yourself* to. Unless they decide to dance on a table, you wont know they are there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): It's your big day, tell them to get lost. No i wouldn't have them there. They ignore your, Ask to see your ring, while you stand there. He cannot see anything wrong. Are you sure you want to marry him. If i said these things to my bloke about one of his friends he would take it on board, and wouldn't tolerate it for a minute. You need to sit him down, tell him exactly how you feel. Don't have them there if you don't want them. Put your foot down.
Take care
xx
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