A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What if you have been with someone for three years and you are always fighting about him wanting to hang out. You told him you wanted to go separate ways but he wants to stay together and he tells you he should be able to come and go as he please and still take care of his family. I am tired of fighting over the same thing and just need help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are so right, I keep saying he just need to grown up if he wants to be with me and my kids he need to act like it. If I act like I don't want to talk to him then he gets mad at me but it's like I am playing games with my kids, I am always home cooking, cleaning and I work. I am trying to open my own business so I told him to just go because he is just weight to me right now all he can think about is smoking,drinking and hanging with the boys. Mind you none of them are married or have steady relationships so he wants the double life. I didn't want to sound selfish when I wrote this I was ok when he would hang out on Thursday's and Friday's but now it's everyday.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 October 2007):
 That's what I'm talking about. You need to be taken care of emotionally as well as other ways. Not being there is selfish on his part. I'm not implying he can't go out and shoot pool, but with a family he needs to limit himself, and provide a balance where he can go out with friends, but he's still tending to you and your needs as well. It's not at all selfish to want family time. That's what relationships are about, respecting and meeting the needs of another person, instead of only thinking about what we want to do at the moment.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe don't stay out all night it's just he wants to come home from work take a shower change clothes and leave. I have two kids and he takes really good care of them and they are not his but it drives me crazy because he will be gone before I even get home from work. Maybe I am being selfish and should let him go even though he say all he is doing is shooting pool, I still like family time. We broke up over this before and things had changed but he is right back to doing the same thing again, last year this time we broke up. I am just tired of the same thing over and over other than this our relationship is really good.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 October 2007):
You can't make anyone do anything. Sucks, doesn't it. I wish their were drugs you could sneak in their drink, (not for bad use) that would be for instant affection, or instant respect. If he's going to, it has to come from him.
So he wants you to stay, while he does whatever. Doesn't he know taking care of someone also means respecting them emotionally also? Personally I'd tell his, it just doesn't work that way. I'd give him a choice. Be are real family or be single if he just wants to hang out. If he says anything else, nope that wasn't an option, I laid them out for you, that is what you have to choose from. If he chooses to do what ever then he has made that choice and also needs to accept the consequesces for that choice, loosing you.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Hi
If he is still saying he doesnt wanna commit after 3 yrs i would walk away.
If he has been honest and said this is how it is, you make your choices and decide to either put up with it or walk.
You cant make him commit, but he shouldnt be asking you to stay with him either if he cant offer what you want.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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