A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have just 6 months ago taken my husband back after a few years apart. We separated somewhat ammicably after he started seeing another woman (which only lasted a few months). It was hard but I got over it and we became friends again and have been for years. He recently asked if I would give him another chance and said that he had grown up a lot and realised he made a huge mistake. I have given him another chance but now he is saying more and more that he wants space and has started going on nights out with our friends and telling me he wants to go alone. I don't mind this every now and then as everyone needs space I guess. Now he has come to me and said he wants to go and visit a mate of ours in the Greek Islands for a week but doesn't want me to come. I am really upset by this as we are just starting to build up the trust in our relationship and I don't feel that I should have to miss out on a holiday or know why he would want to go on holiday without me. We have had a huge argument about it as he feels he I shouldn't have a problem with him going to visit his mate on his own. He said that I can't go because his mate lives with guys who bring a lot of women back to the flat and that they feel I would be unconmfortable. I am very uncomfortable having him go to stay in this flat without me. Am I being unreasonable?
View related questions:
needs space, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (27 February 2009):
 That is GREAT! Sorry neither of you are getting a holiday, but I am really pleased for you that he would rather not go than upset you. : )
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your advice. After a good chat we have decided that we can't both afford to go to Greece so neither of us are going. He said he just wanted to see his mate he said and he thought that just him going was a cheap option. He says he didn't realise how much it would upset me so he's not going.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 No, you are not being unreasonable. As far as I know, Greek Islands have hotels, unless things have changed drastically since I've been there? And there are many private guest houses, goodness, you can't get off a ferry there without seeing people with "rooms to let" signs.
I sincerely doubt that he has grown up. I think at this point in your relationship, he should understand your concern and respect your feelings and my god, he should be thinking of ways to make you happy, rather than how much fun he can have on his own. There's space and then there's "space" *wink-wink*, and my guess is that his kind is the latter.
Which island is it, out of curiousity?
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Tell him you want a nice vaction in the Greek Islands too and if he balks show him the door because then for sure I would think he's up to no good. He should have no problem with you coming along.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): Well, if his intentions are innocent, then I say plan a nice vacation at the same time for yourself so you're not sulking at home while he is out having fun. Normally, couples go together, but if he thinks having seperate vacations is normal, then You shouldn't feel guilty going somewhere without him also. Plus this is a chance for you to get out and have some fun or bonding time with friends or family. Is there someone you can think of to enjoy a getaway? If you don't trust him, then this relationship really won't last. Better to find out sooner than later. You Deserve a REAL relationship, not games. Love to you!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): pfffff'he had grown up a lot and realised he made a huge mistake'.It's ok you have him a second chance, but he srewed up already with his needs going out with his 'mates'.If you are 'just' fwb (which can be very close), you cannot asked but you are living together as a couple, this is something different (for me anyway).Ask yourself if you're up for something serious and if fwb is not what you are looking for, what are you spoiling your time with this guy. Find your self-respect back, there is much better around then such an egocentric guy.For your own good, find your self-respect and self-confidence and kick him out of your house.If you need some advise, call me. Take care and good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 February 2009):
Wow. I'm sorry, but it doesn't sound quite right to me ... no, I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think the problem is that he is used to his freedom, and while he might have missed you, and that's why he wanted to get back with you, he is now feeling a bit trapped again and wants to show that he can do what he wants - that he does have his freedom. But you're right, from a normal perspective, your guy should want to take you with him. The fact that he doesn't want to take you, and is going to stay in a flat with a load of single guys bringing girls back for sex all the time sounds to me like a nightmare for you. I couldn't cope with that at all, I know - how could you trust him? I guess I'm not saying the right things here, but it's my honest response.
Your choice is simple: either you completely suppress your natural upset feelings at this, and bite your lip, and let him go with your blessing - so that he feels 'free' - or you say you can't cope with it, and either he doesn't go, or you go your separate ways. : (
Sorry. None of those answers sound very appealing, I know. Of course I wish he would just say to you 'god, no, of course i won't go - you'd feel horrible left behind - no way - either i go with you, or not at all!' - but I don't think he's going to say that. : (
...............................
A
male
reader, cupids_friend +, writes (26 February 2009):
Hi I am 20 year old guy and no I do not think that your being mean or anything I think that your right to be worried and mad. I think if did not want you to be uncomfortable at the friends place then he should ask you if you want to go and then on the other hand you have to try and trust him but no I think you should be angry. I hope this helps if not please let me know
...............................
|
