A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I need some help in convincing my partner, (should be ex-partner by now) that our relationship is over.We were together just over 4 years and we split up last November. We decided to get back together early January but split again in the middle of February. The usual things happened when the relationship had hit rock bottom and I finally ended things, amicably, mid-May - or so I thought.He then started texting me saying that he still wanted to try and work things out but my true feelings for us, as a couple, have gone. I'd really value his friendship but I know now that I couldn't offer him more than that.I've said that I don't have enough feelings for us to get back together several times but he just doesn't seem to get it. How can I really make it clear as he still keeps thinking that with time we'll get back together?Hope someone has been in the same situation. Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Stanley Cup  +, writes (30 July 2007):
Actions speak louder than words. If you want to convince him that your relationship is over, then start acting like it and do NOT contact him. There is nothing that you can do about him sending you text messages, but if he calls, don't answer. Don't reply to any texts or emails that he sends you. Eventually, he will realize that the relationship truly is over.
Now, in regards to your comment about valuing his friendship. What I interpret this to mean is that you are a nice person, who doesn't like to be rude. The problem for him is that he feels more strongly about you, than you do about him. Unfortunately, he is unable to shut down his feelings for you right now. Maybe, at some point in the future, when he is in another relationship, he will be able to maintain a friendship with you. But at the moment, he will misinterpret any friendly gestures as signals that the romance might be rekindled.
I understand that it is not pleasant to lose a friendship that you valued, but aren't there plenty of people whose friendship you valued in the past (such as when you were in school) that you no longer have any contact with? If you truly value him as a friend, then you must value him as a person, and it would be best for him to find another person to begin a relationship with. However, he won't be able to do that if he thinks that he and you still have a chance.
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