A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:bout 5 months ago my boyfriend of 3 and a half years split up with me - he felt he could not give me the support I wanted and deserved. I was devastated, I went into a complete emotional breakdown. Then all of a sudden another guy came into my life, told me he had seen me a couple years back and had always felt he wanted to get to know me. I am very guarded about my feelings and started to talk to him. We started a very intense relationship, he chose to move into me and was very intense about the way he felt and that i was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He even arranged a trip to meet my parents and asked me what he should say to my father. About 3 months in he told me one day that something was fundamentally missing but he didnt know what it was but he wants to work at it - he moved out and we decided to slow things down, we went away together and things were fine. A day later he came and told me that he could not do this and he cares deeply for me but he could not be with me, he said maybe he wanted to feel love that way so bad that he did..he meant what he said at the time he said the things he did to me( marriage, love etc)but he does not feel that now. i dont undertand how someone can change so quickly?? After being so intense i found it really hard not to see or speak to him as we have this huge physical attraction, i know this cos he cant keep his hands off me, (still)I made the mistake of going past his place and he could not keep his hands off me and we slept together, i tried to be as casual as i could, he became very cold after and asked me to leave and said that he wants not to have any contact with me for a while and looked very upset about what happened, I knew i had that kind of hold over him sexually but the way he reacted almost seemed that he felt something??I do want him back - What do I doWill he hate me now - he seemed so angry at what had happened
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male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (30 July 2007):
When two streams come together and then many more streams also join them. you have a river. And then the river flows into the sea. The stream's water and the river's water mingles with the sea and all are one. However, When two people's lives come together they do not become one, but are two ID's that are seeking their own emotional, physical and sexual pleasures. And if there is no give or take between these ID's You'll have ongoing conflicks. There seem to be lots of ID's out there "Who want what they want when they want it", But they are also a wee-bit shy of that gray matter between their ears
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): I recommend two books for you, "The Road Less Traveled", by M. Scott Peck, and "Why Men Marry Bitches"......you seem to have an intense desire to merge with a man to the point that you lose your own identity and become so dependent that you are willing to have a complete emotional breakdown when a relationship ends or become a doormat, when a guy rejects you.
You are setting yourself up to be used and perhaps disrespected by this current guy, and you seem to be using sex to try and control him, neither of which makes for a healthy relationship.
You need to educate yourself on the nature of what love really is and it is not dependence and intense feelings, and also educate yourself on how to be a woman of value from a man's perspective, both of these books should prove enlightening to you.
As far as your question will he hate you? Who knows, but he may be tired of you, and want you to leave him alone so he can move on to a more even keeled relationship.
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