| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am a teen girl and this guy I had a crush on wanted to be friends with benefits. We had never really spoken before and I was confused. I said yes at first, but then I changed my mind before we actually did anything. He was nice about it and promied not to tell anyone any of the personal things we said to each other, but I'm worried that he will. What should I do to make sure he doesn't tell anyone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): I me a guy two months ago...we went on 2 dates and I lost my head...and slept with him. The next tme we saw each other it happened again. We've seen each other manytimes...slept together each time. I really thought we were on the same page...we discussed relationships etc and were pretty much in agreement with what we wanted in life etc.
Then last weekend, he asks me how I feel about "what we are doing". I asked him what he meant, and he said, he just wondered how I felt abou us sleeping together, as I'm always preaching exclusivity and closed relationships. What a shock to find out that all he see's us as, is FWB.
HE wants us to talk about it. He says he has never had a girlfriend, and the longest he has been with a girl is 3/4 months. I'm thinking he thinks the only way to have a elationship with a girl is by doing it FWB way. COuld it be he has been hanging around with the wrong kind of girls??
I'm very attracted to him physically, and I like his personality, but I cant bring myself to know that each time I sleep with him, its just sex for him. I've fooled myself into thinking that he feels something to me. He says he likes me...but what does that mean? HE finds me attractive enough to sleep with?? I'm angry, confused and wishing I had never lost my head with him.
He says to me, we can be friends, or we can be FWB, and that the benefits part can be revoked at any time!!!??? Cmon. I must have stupid written on my forehead.
Its true...woman cant have sex with a guy without emotions getting involved.
Should I break all ties with him, or talk this through with him and see if he isnt willing to be a man for a change, and explore a closed, exclusive relationship? Everything in me says to run...in fact I'd be telling my friends, if it were them, to run.
UUUGH
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (21 April 2009):
 I wouldn't worry about him telling anyone of the things you have said to each other, as he is the one that will look like an idiot!
FWB indeed! As a man can I say that FWB doesn't work, girls find it very hard to have meaningless sex and us men, well we (not all of course) will sleep with anyone!
How does FWBs work? He is not your friend as you don't even know him that well, and what benefits will you get out of it? An STI, broken heart, the feeling of being used? Yes I can see how that is a good thing.
If a guy won't commit to you it is not worth having sex with them.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Personally, I see a FWB as a way of getting free sex! Be thankful that you didnt do anything with him and carry on with your life as if nothing has happened.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Well, I would be more worried about the "FWB thing" than if he tells anybody!!!
FWB is an arrangement where guys get sex and girls get nothing but a reputation and are used. Girls really don't enjoy sex until they are with a guy who is willing to love them enough to become more than a casual partner. Women can kid themselves and think that they can have "mutual masturbation" with a friend, but the fact is, that women's hearts get involved when they wrap their arms around a man. It's just human nature, I'm afraid.
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