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age
51-59,
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writes: Okay here it goes, it has been 3 yrs since my husbands affair, I am in a better place emotionally, problem is he is not happy that I am feeling this way, he wants me to be the same in pre-affair times....everything that I cherished when we were so called happy, like the wedding dress, wedding bands and other things people keep to remember their so called memories of there "togetherness" is no longer important to me, what is important is now, and working things out I dont want anything from the past. It didnt mean anything to him if it did why did he go and have an affair..right?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Your hb is really living in la la land if he thinks things should remain the same before you found out about the affair. He should count his lucky stars that you still are with him , instead of pretending that you all are the same he needs to be realistic and see whether you two have moved on in your relationship. The cheaters just cannot get it, they believe that since they confess /get found out and all is in the open then all is well. it is this blaseness that really gets to me, the pretence and the emotional bullshit. The past is just that, why keep mementos when it meant nothing to him while he engaged in his extra curricular activities? Just becareful though , i think this not caring attitude is your defence mechanism in coping with his cheating. Don’t hurt yourself in this process of emotional coping. You still are hurting and trying to make peace/sense of it all. I think he however has unrealistic expectations of you. You are right it is all about here and now and what the future holds for you two. How has your marriage improved since you found out? What is your relationship about now? How do you move forward? Have you healed or are you using the don’t care attitude as a weapon to protect yourself?
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female
reader, 2479  +, writes (3 November 2009):
I can try to imagine how hurt you must have been and how you're probably still hurting now. It's hard to say what I'd do in your place once trust has gone it's probably impossible to get back. I applaud you for trying to make it work and you still love him but I think you need some time apart to work out what you both need. I suppose it does make you quite bitter about everything that you held dear and believed in. Yes, keep talking even if you do have time apart. I think he's dreaming if he wants life like it was before - there ain't no going back to that he saw to that. Just do what you feel is right for you.
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