A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for close to a year. I love him and we've discussed moving in together... The problem in our relationship right now is his "son". Six years ago, he began dating a single mother. Her son was only 3 months old when my boyfriend met her. As the relationship progressed, the bond grew between my boyfriend and her son. When they eventually broke up a few months later, my boyfriend decided to remain the father figure in the boy's life. Although he's not his biological father, I commend him for stepping up to the plate.Now here's the problem...I feel as though he's already formed a family and I'm not sure where I fit in. They are currently roommates and he supports his "son" financially. He picks his "son" up from school everyday and spends the weekends doing fun, family stuff with the boy and his ex. He has even cut our outings short to handle things with his "son" and canceled dates because his ex couldn't find a sitter.Also, I'd really like children and it hurts to see that he's experiencing the joys of parenthood with someone else. Although I'm excited to see that he's such a fantastic father, I think that the situation that has formed him and his ex may be unhealthy. Has anyone else been in a similar predicament?I don't want to give him an ultimatum but I feel that this situation will lead to problems later. Communication is important to me and I'd like to bring all of this up to my boyfriend. How can I talk to him about this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): My boyfriend has a young son who lives with his mother but my boyfriend sees whenever he can. I would not say he is a great parent but he does what he can. I have been dragged along to many events and have spent a lot of time with the child and I actually feel somewhat resentful of him.
I think with you the fact that he is a good father is marvellous and something for you to cling on to but as with a lot of women until they have their own child with the man they do feel that they don't fit in. You may well be at the age when you would like your own family. He is clearly not adverse to having children. He is not married to this lady and although she is an ex I think you need to say how you feel and where you would like to see your relationship going. It is commendable that he still sees the boy and you will get that from him when you have a child with him. I am not sure what the ex is holding on to whether it is just stability for her child or whether he helps her financially or in other ways but she must realise that no current girlfriend would particularly like this set up. I don't think you will come across as mean spirited or unfair if you raise this issue, it is just an unusual situation and if he spoke to his friends about it they too would say it is a bit odd. Raise your concerns and let us know how you get on. All the best,
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I don't think it's the relationship with his "son" you have the problem with, it's the fact that he is "roommates" with his mother.
To be honest, I would have a problem with the fact that he is still staying with a woman that he has had a previous relationship with. I do find that a bit strange. That will be the only question that I have. Why is it that he can't find a place of his own? He can still have a wonderful relationship with his son without living with his son's mother. I do find that questionable.
I would only talk to him about his living arrangements. I would not question him on his relationship with his son. Don't punish the child because of your relationship with his father. That is the only person that you would be punishing is that innocent little boy. Just talk to him about living with this woman and nothing else. Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 November 2009):
 I put myself in the place of this man, and, also, in the place of the child. They are fond of each other, and that is great. I think it would hurt them very much if you asked them to put an end to their relationship. It would be cruel on the child, and probably also on the man. You don't want to do this.
You fit very nice in the picture. He loves you and will be able to be a wonderful father with your children. It is clear that he sees himself as "daddy". With you as "mommy".
If you were not personally involved, you'd see the good this man is doing.
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