A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been going to marriage counseling with my husband for the past few months and things have been going pretty smoothly. now he has told me that he does not want my 14year old son in the house because of behavior issues. he has giving me a ultamatium,"Do something with my son or we live seperately until the kids are grown". What should I do,stay or go ?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ask_HanBan  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 I agree with everyone here
your son comes first, would he feel the same if it was ur daughter(hypertheticly)?
the fact that he is making you chose is just plain cruel
dont kick your son out
A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (10 July 2007):
Your child comes first. Your husband is conveniently ignoring the fact that a 14 year old is a child. Where is this child supposed to go exactly? Get a job and buy his own place?! I have no doubt that your son, like many teenagers, can be a right royal pain in the proverbial. That's hard for your husband, but he cannot make this demand. If you know that your son's behaviour is going beyond the line, then maybe you could get family counselling to try and ease the situation. If your husband won't do this, or it doesn't work, then I absolutely agree with him - he will have to live separately. Not your son.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 July 2007):
 What a jerk, I'd tell him where he can stick an ultimatum like that. Your son is more important. Take the kids and go, I'll bet your son's behavior improves immediately.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 Go. I don't see how he can propose this. Maybe the boy is a hell of a lot of trouble, but he's still a 14 year old.
Maybe the boy is a problem because he doesn't get along with your husband. In this case, obviously the adult has to carry the burden and do more than his best.
I have a question. How is it possible, if things between you two have gone on "pretty smoothly", that he comes up now and gives this ultimatum?
Maybe this isn't important, and maybe it is. You say "stay or go". The choice of words might reflect the fact that you live in a house he owns. If this is the case, he wants to kick your son out of the house but doesn't want to take responsibility for it. He wants you to play the role of the bad mother. Or, he wants to avoid criticism.
I insist: go. Let the man be alone. He's a grown up now; if your boy has behavior problems, this is the time to deal with them, so he will grow to be a stable adult. I don't think that kicking your son out of the house would help him at all. Much to the contrary.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): Hey, your husband does not have the right to make you choose between him and your son, your son is only 14 he is still a child, you can't kick him out, your son needs you while he is growing up, if he has behaviour problems then try getting help from a counciler, your husband should not be making you choose between the two, because if he really loves you then he would stick by you and not make you loose your son. If you and your husband have been having marriage counselling then this tells me there has been problems in the past?. Do what you think is best, but my advice is stick by your son.
GOOD LUCK
JESS XXXX
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