A
female
age
30-35,
*izz.butterflies
writes:Hey guys...He's been asking me to be his woman, but honestly I dont feel like I'm the only one that he's seeing...even though I met his mom. That doesnt mean nothing though. He's good looking and attracts many girls.When I went to see him, I went to a club with him and his brother. He kinda pissed me off because he wasnt very warm with me, so I pretended I looked at another guy and waved at him. I did this to see how he would react. When we got home, he did talk about it and said I disrespected him and he would never do such a thing to me. But then again, I do not trust him. It's just that I feel things ain't right. Now I wonder whether I should talk to him about us being exclusive. I've known him for 3 weeks now and I appeared really easy going to him, which I am, but when it comes to having sex with him, I cant disrespect myself and accept the fact that he might be sleeping with other chicks(even though he makes me think he doesn't.)IMPORTANT :OK,maybe the majority of you will say "since you know it doesnt feel right,why would you wanna get involved with him?" Well my question isn't this. It's about how a woman approaches this hot topic without seeming needy or insecure and without "asking" the guy to be in a relationship with you.So what is the best way to approach this?Thanks again =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): I think the best way to approach this is to not stop dating other men. Going out with someone for three weeks is just the dress rehearsal. You don't know anyting about this guy really.
The fact that he wants you to be his woman after only three weeks tells me that he is not sincere. No one knows that quickly if they want to be exclusive and if they do they are living in a pure fantasy, ga ga land called lust.
I think your intstincts are right on. It is too early to ask him to be exclusive. Why would you want to be exclusive with a guy you barely know? Leave your options open to date other men, and time will tell if he will step up to your standards and step up and be exclusive himself.
You will know if you can trust him when that happens and now you simply don't and for good reason. He has been on the job for less than 90 days. Even employers know enough to make a 90 probationary period for a new employee, hiring someone is a lot like dating, what looks good on paper or right in front of your eyes, may dissolve into nothing when confronted with the job at hand, or worse deteriorate into a bad relationship for both parties.
Don't get sexual with him too fast...if he really is into you he will wait as long as you want to for sex. He will be happy just to be in your company...that is how you know that is how you aren't clingy, you continue to have your own life and date other men. Do not fall into the girlfriend trap....men are dating you, and nothing more until they decide to marry you....keep that in mind no matter how much in love you think that you are, realize you must keep some of your independence and your heart open to other men, you can be exclusive and faithful at some point, but you really need to take the attitude that YOU are the prize and that he could lose you to another nice man if he doesn't step up and claim you as the ONE.
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