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writes: Hello, I'm 17 years old and I've been dating my boyfriend since Febuary 22 2008... and it's going on a year. Okay now we have had sex already but we don't have sex very often like maybe 2 times a month and he has a baby. Let me tell the story - before we got together he had a girlfriend and then he broke up with her for me. Then me and him broke up and when we broke up she got pregnant and now they have a baby girl together. Now we're back talking. We talk/text every day and now he is saying he wants me to be his next baby mom and I really want to but I'm afraid of what people might think of me. What should I do because I really love him and I really want to have his child. We're both about to graduate in high school this year and we both want the baby but he don't know what his mom will think because he just had a baby. We really want the baby so what do you all think we should do? someone please reply ......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): You are too young and hav'nt learned anything about relationships yet - trust, commitment, respect, reliability. This boyfriend of yours does sound like he has any of these essential qualities to make a good relationship much less a good father. under no circumstances have his baby. you will regret it.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 January 2009):
 My mother told me that if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all.
With that in thought, here is my comment:
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 January 2009):
 My only question is WHY? Why would you at 17 want to be a baby momma? Babies can wait. Wait til you are in a STABLE, HEALTHY, LOVING relationship with someone who will be there for you and the child 100%.
Well not only question, I guess. :)
He pretty much discarded his ex and the baby why do you think he won't do the same to you? You think he loves you better? You think he respects you more? You think your love is so special he will settle down with you and have kids and live happily ever after? Are you ( and he) able to take care of the child financially? Emotionally?
Stop trying to please a man and think of yourself for a while. What are your goals in life? Things you want to achieve, places you want to see, stuff you want to do.
I'm not saying you have to wait til you are 30 to have kids, but you know what? I did. I have 2 college degrees, travelled most of Europa, lived (by myself) in foreign places for a year each time. Met people I never thought I'd ever met. Held jobs that were so not me, but incredibly fun. (Ski instructor in Italy and bartender in Spain)I have volunteered ( still do). Basically I had a pretty full life when I met my now husband. Having kids were a welcome event. Something I was 100% ready for and able to do. Still I look back and go, Phew having kids is REALLY hard work, and it's 24/7. Even when they sleep. When they are in school.... 24/7.
Good luck and don't forget yourself.
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female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (30 January 2009):
 NO! NO! NO! Do NOT do this! Phew. Got that out of the way so now I can talk rationally.
The other posters have given you very good advice and I agree with them. I remember being 17 and with the boy I was certain I would be with forever. We also wanted to have a baby. We had a little pregnancy scare and when it was negative we starting thinking maybe this was something we really wanted. I wanted that baby so bad I could practically feel her in my arms already! But you know what? Less than a year later we broke up. He dumped me. I was heartbroken at the time, but I moved on to bigger and better things and am soooooo glad I did not saddle myself with a baby at such a young age! I was able to get an education that I would not have been able to get if I had been a teen mom. I also am a better mom now than I would have been if I jumped in to it too soon.
If this guy really is going to be 'the one' then waiting a few years until the two of you can properly provide for this child is only going to be benficial.
Until you can properly provide for this child there is NO WAY you should even CONSIDER having a baby. Do you have your own home? Or do you live with your parents? Do you (and he) have steady jobs so that you can financially support yourselves and this child? Or will you rely on your parents or the government to pay the bills? Is he paying support for the baby he already has? How will he possibly support two children? Who will take care of the baby? Will you quit school and work to stay home with it? If so, then he better make enough money to support you and pay all the bills himself while you do so. Will you put it in day care? Day care is EXPENSIVE! It will run you probably about $200 a week. Plus formula and baby food, diapers, doctor bills, clothes, etc. And you would have all your own bills: rent, heat, electricity, phone, etc. Are you prepared to pay all these expences? If you are not and expect the parents or the government to help out then you are not ready to have a baby. You will ruin your own life and, even worse, you will ruin the babies life. Be responsible and mature ~ do NOT have a baby until you are ready.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): Let me tell you this, love: have you ever thought that he cheated on his ex with you and as soon as you had a problem he got back to her and got her pregnant? And now he's sort of back with you? I would make sure that what h wants is a serious, exclusive relationship with you, before having a baby with him, because this is what you want, isn't it? How would you feel if you had a baby with this bloke and then he went back to the ex or even worse, find another girl? Before having a baby, make sure you get the deal you want and please don't blindly throw yourself in a situation where you would only get hurt. Also, as you are both still at school, if you had a baby, would you have the means to support a family? (he would have 2 kids, does he have a job?) Or are you relying on your parents for financial help? And in this case, how would your and his parents feel about having to support ypu and the baby/ babies? My advice is first of all sort out your relationship and consolidate it an an exclusive one, and secondly, graduate from high school and then eventually you'll be in the position to have a baby. Also, the financial side, is very important, make sure you have that covered before you fall pregnant. But truly, you have your whole life in front of you and so many things to look forward too and so many experiences and amazing ppl (including men) you still have to meet, and things to do... Are you sure you are ready to give up on all of this amazing stuff to have a baby at such a young age? And also, make sure he deserves to be the father of your baby and that he can be faithful, before being pregnant. I was in love like that too at your age but the guy wasn't really deserving. I only realized that when I met other ppl and travelled and fell in love with somebody else. Often you think you are in love but there is more and better around the corner. Please think about it very seriously not only for yourself, but you owe it to your child to bring him/her up in a stable and good situation and you owe it to yourself to live the best years of your life and enjoy the freedom and the adventures you would give up on if you became a mum now.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (30 January 2009):
Jesus, what does this guy want? A girlfriend, or 50 children??
He went and had UNPROTECTED sex with his ex girlfriend as soon as you split up, and then is content to abandon her and be with you, but only if you ruin your life as well.
Sweatheart if you want a baby that's fine but really this guy does not sound like he'll stick around at all. How long before you have another argument and he goes and finds some other girl to have a baby with?
It sounds like he only wants to have a baby with you so you have to stay with him.
Go out with him by all means but get yourself on the pill and get him to use condoms till you know he has been tested. Tell him that if he wants you then he can have you, you don't NEED a baby to do that.
Why tie yourself down and ruin your body when you can have a career and travel and go out and have fun and see the world??? You can do that with him and together, but a child will take all of that away and just add tonnes and tonnes of pressure.
Good Luck!! xx
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