A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, this is the second time that I am writing this same post, and I've decided to make it short. Heres the story, my ex broke up with me last year and left me absolutely in the gutters, I cried, I suffered, i tried to move on but failed, I became ill, but eventually I became stronger, with the help of a precious friend that helped me through it, I cut off all contact, deleted his numbers and whenever he'd text I'd never reply, slowly the pain became less, I simply wanted to forget that he ever existed.Several months later he sent me a text asking How I was, and if I was ok, and that he is so sorry for hurting me, and that he feels awful, and misses me. I never replied, then after a couple of months of up and downs, and one text here and there, he asked for me to call him, and on the phone he cried saying that he was a fool and that he was trying to push me away, tried to make me hate him, tried to lead a normal life without me, but came to realise that normal to him was being with me, and that he loved me, and that he was coming back home to the same coutry I was in to be with me.I didn't have my hopes up because I was hurt, but I thought, I'd like to give it another shot.Right, he gets hot then gets cold, then wants me then is confused.He is in the same country now, and is inundated with work, to an extent that he is going nuts, but he doesn't make the effort to see me or call, is always busy with work, and now he comes up with the story that he doesn't know who he is and doesn't know what he wants, and that he wants me more than anything else but doesn't want to hurt me if he hasn't found himself yet. Now is talking about going away, traveling and that he needs to find himself, and when I aks about us he said that things will turn out the right way and even said that if we are on the same path that we'll lead to eachother???????????????I'm the one now that seems to be chasing although i have stopped and it hurts me so much and everytime that he comes round or calls and says that he wants me then the next doesn't know kills me inside.Whats should I do? Should I call him and ask him why he doesn't bother or just move on?
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female
reader, elsie  +, writes (16 March 2007):
 He sounds really messed up. Get out before his problems start rubbing off on you. He is very confused, mixed in with that is the fact that he's not showing you any real respect. Hate to say it but he could have another woman somewhere else and he's playing both of you at his convenience. There seems to be an epidemic of women hanging around wasting their precious days waiting for men to 'find themselves, clear their heads etc etc'. If he's being manipulative that's bad enough but if he's genuinely as confused as he says he his then tell him to go and do what he's got to do. Just make sure you are not around when he decides to make his next passing visit or better still tell him you've met someone who puts you first. Good luck.
A
male
reader, Dagwood +, writes (16 March 2007):
 Move on, it's over! This issue is his and not yours. It seems you know what you want but he does not so you'll always live in limbo if you carry on the contact between you. Make new friends and forget about people who mess with your head like this! Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): Having suffered exactly the same problem in the past as you, and at the wise old age of 55, I cant honestly say this man will never change. Move on and find someone who is worthy of you. These emotional vampires belong in their coffins. Dont let him drain another single moment of your precious time.
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