A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my boyfriend almost two years. We were friends first and he finally won me over (I turned him down at first because I thought he was too young for me) I fell for him pretty quickly and thought we'd be really happy together. However we hit a wall soon after. He behaved oddly, not wanting to stay the night with me and not ringing me as much as I'd like. He'd also make plans with his friends on Saturday nights without including me. I got tired of this and despite repeated attempts to address it - which resulted in a brick wall - I had no choice but to end it. It wasn't a clean break however, there was a lot of texting and meeting up. We ended up getting back together as there's a very strong attraction between us. A few months into this, I looked at his phone one day (I guess I wanted to understand more about what was going on) and I found very familar and quite intimate text messages to a girl I'd never heard of. When I brought up her name he said he didn't know who she was. Eventually I got it out of him that he'd kissed her when we'd been broken up. I told him how I didn't think these text messages were appropriate and he said he'd stop. He didn't however. And I found more messages to other girls, sent late at night. A lot of it harmless but it bothered me. Discovered another girl that he'd kissed (who he'd lied about kissing before)I brought it up again and he apologised and said I could trust him. But because he's lied to me I'm having a real problem trusting him. He says he loves me and wants to be with me and no one else and I want to believe him so much but I'm so wary. I can't stop checking his phone because it's the only way I'm learning about his secret life. Am starting to doubt everywhere he says he's going to and everyone he says he's going to be with. It's driving me crazy. I know there's no future in this without trust but how can you trust someone who has lied to you?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): im in a similar position to u. my bf treated me like dirt for yrs,we've been together 5 yrs this year. we have always been on off but then out of the blue last yr my bf turns up wanting to offer me everything-marriage,kids etc,EVERYTHING I ALWAYS WANTED FOR YEARS i loved him 100% and although he has hurt me in the past ALOT i believed him and took him back! but this time it was VERY different...at that time i really did have enough of his crap and id met someone else...who i dumped the day my ex came back begging me. to cut a long story short since he has been back ive taken 3 beating from him,bruises kidney trauma,swelling...i must b nuts bacause i actually forgave him for that...he said he did it because i met someone else! trying to blame me so in a way i thought i deserved it,although now i realise that i didnt. anyway in the time we split up,just b4 we got back together he was pulling woman...apparently just kissed them. 1st it was 2 the 3,1st he didnt have their numbers then i FOUND HIS phone bill. then i asked the normal questions etc...did u take her out that kind of thing,he said no then i found out more lies about these woman...he has blown all trust i had for him and it seems like he thinks im THE 1 IN THE WRONG. IT SEEMS THAT EVERY FEW DAYS IM FINDING OUT MORE STUFF ABOUT OUR TIME APART AND THESE WOMEN. he says he doesnt even remember their names,my BOYFRIEND remembers EVERYTHING, but now he has a selected memory...how strange that men can do that. anyway i cant trust him one bit and like yourself im really struggling with this...apparently im just a nutter etc...its funny how men turn things. he wont talk abt these lies he just shouts threatens me and walks out! does anyone have any advice for me? its easy to say walk away but 5 yrs is along time to me,im only 23
A
female
reader, SteppedOn  +, writes (12 April 2007):
That is the EXACT situation I am in now and I do not think it will get any better. My bf did the exact same thing exeot we were not on a break...it has happened about 6 times in 6 years and now every day I check his cell and e mails. He has wised up to my checking and now got smarter and deletes all messages and e mails. It has gotten to the point that I do not trust him at all and even if he did stop I would not believe it. He even went as far as to buy calling cards to call girls from our home phone or pay phones so I would not see the calls on his bill. He has done that 3 times (that I know of. It is so lame, I am trying to come to grips that he really does not love me as much as he says he does...it is hard, but if you have the strenghth to walk away before investing any more time you should. I am trying to now, but after 6 years it is SO HARD
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): im sorry that your going through this it must be horrible to read intimate txt msssgs from your partner to another female and other women aswell.seems to me he aint got any intentions of stopping and is showing you total disrespect,its going to be hard for you to trust him,but if you believe you can work it out between you both,i say go for it and do your best for each other if you want to make it
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