A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am seeing and older man, almost 30 years my senior. Everything we do is amazing, it is the best relationship i've had. The age gap is a problem, and we both know it is never going to be a longterm thing. But the problem is this started over a month ago when he'd just broken up with a girlfriend of 7 years. He says she wants to get back with her. I don't want to stop them but he says he loves me, and I love him. How do I get him to see that he should be with someone more age appropriate without hurting him, I don't want him cheating on her with me, like what he wants.Confused!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): Thanks everyone, lots of help! :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): just find a man thats wants you. walk away from this becoz hes still in a relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): You dump him, that's it. Look you can't end this without hurting him a bit so you just tell him you can't be together it's only been 1 month he doesn't love you, he's on the rebound. He'd "love" just about any girl who gives him the time of day at the moment.
He's just out of a 7 year relationship he's nowhere near over her and you know this, don't be fooled into thinking you're anything more than a rebound for him. He will dump you for her is she's willing to take him back and if he wants to keep you as his bit on the side then you know you need to walk.
This is going to be very painful and messy for you if you don't walk away and soon. Being someones rebound is not fun and him wanting you to be his bit of meat on the side is even worse. You have to wonder what kind of guy he is if he wants that, you have to ask yourself did he just say he loves you to keep you keen or what?
Walk away, his mess is not your mess, so don't make it so. Don't worry about hurting him because he obviously doesn't care about hurting you or his girlfriend, he's selfish and wants you both, his girlfriend for love and a nice young body i.e. you for sex.
Walk away and regain some dignity, because this guy is going to take you places you'd wish you'd never been. You'll learn a very harsh lesson if you don't one, which you can still learn by walking away now and looking back on.
But heartbreak and pain are yours if you continue with this mess of a selfish man.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 I agree with the first poster, and You are a Rebound. Simply say I wish you well hope things work out this time with your ex, but if they don't, please don't call me.
This is not an appropriate relationship for you, so move on, you don't owe him a thing even not hurting his feelings because his love for you is about his EGO that needed builing up after his long term relationship busted up, so if you tell him to go on he'll be fine, a bit deflated, but he's a grown man and he should know better.
Move on from him for good.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): Confused!!! You've confused me..sorry, but at 18-21 and you state this is the BEST relationship you've ever had, BUT the age gap is a problem, NOT sure how that is the BEST situation or relationship then. To qualify for that, age would make NO difference to you at all.
That aside - The guy has just broken up with his long-term gf of 7 years, and in between he's met a 21 year old and basically had a fling with you - NOW as much as YOUR hormones are raging, and the INITIAL LUST is running high, to be talking of LOVE is quite naive...YES, you can be totally and utterly INFATUATED with this guy, and he with you, and why wouldn't he be, you are 30 years his junior, new firm flesh and all that, but seriously this is NOT LOVE in the real terms.
For that, a couple have to experience routine, boredom, everyday problems, sex becoming less of a priorly, and what I mean by this, is just GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER PAST the INITIAL stages of a few weeks, months and enter the YEARS stages where you see each others ' warts an all' to know IF it's love.
So you've already said it's NOT long-term, which CONTRADICTS LOVE, as if you or him REALLY LOVED each other, that is the ONLY scenario you would be HOPING and PLANNING FOR.
If he wants to get back with his long-term girlfriend then LET him do that, you don't really want him, so as you say "I don't want him cheating on her with me, like what he wants."
SIMPLE, DON'T SEE HIM and you wont be cheating with him. As for hurting him, please....the ONLY hurt for him, would be the loss of a nubile young body, you are NOT his life soul-mate, so takes this experience as it really is, GREAT attraction, LUST, INTERIM FLING for him before he resolves his issues with his long term girlfriend. And for you, a vibrant experience with an older man that is NEVER going to go anywhere.
Jilly
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