A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years now and we have tried anal sex in the past but I find it painful at times and other times it’s alright. My issue is he won’t stop asking me for anal sex even after I've had some tearing as a result of it. It has healed since then but I still don’t like the idea of anal sex for fear I will get another tear. Most of our attempts to try it again have failed because he said I was too tensed up and therefore cause the pain (because we do use lube). It seems that he just keeps getting more pressuring starting arguments over the subject and as the months go by and I don't know how to handle the situation anymore.. I've tried telling him it's painful, he thinks I'll get used to it in time and that I am selfish to his needs. I am just very frustrated at this point.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the helpful advice everyone and I have had a long serious conversation with him over the weekend, it seems the subject wont come up again any time soon. It seems that he's finally beginning to understand the concept that anal sexjust isn't for everyone and hopefully it will be the last I hear of this. I can assure you if anal sex does come up in the future I'll just have to move on with my life.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (5 May 2013):
 Clearly he has a fetish, fixation or has been watching this type of porn; whereby you are just ‘used’ and abused, defiled like a ‘Low Grade’ Actor!? Next time he pesters; you handle the situation by getting a cucumber and tell him to BANG IT UP HIS ARSE! See how he whimpers when he tears… If it’s good enough for the goose; it’s good enough for the gander!
Anyone can have a fetish, experiment, enjoy or dislike etc, but to blatantly disregard another person’s health – He’s a LOWLIFE!
Take Care – CAA
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2013): I agree with the others, he is selfish and isn't concerned with you or the pain it causes. I dated a man who did the same thing & I tried it, was very painful, had bleeding & and it actually made me sick for days. Yet he kept pressuring me to let him do it.
He said I HAD to let him do that to me at least once in awhile... I told him to find someone else he can violate because he wasn't doing it to me again. I hope you do the same.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (5 May 2013):
 I agree with you, iAmHereToHelpYou. I had to say it anyways though. :)
It's amazing how many people need help doing what on paper is the most obvious thing to do. Those hormones, chemicals, ego, overanalyzing, second guessing, and manipulations get in the way keeping people like the OP prisoner of their own minds, when everyone else around them see the guy for what he really is.
Anal is one of those things like BDSM or specific fetishes -- you either really like it, or really don't. Personally, I don't like it one bit either, but the moment the OP tried it the first time and didn't find it to her liking, her boyfriend is disqualified from using the word "selfish". She tried it, which is more than most guys get!
Most men are not like her boyfriend, and the fact that they've been together for 3 years should only mean that she shouldn't be with him for a fourth year. What a jerk.
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female
reader, malletchick76 +, writes (5 May 2013):
 If he's willing to continue to hurt you and not listen to what you have to save, I'd leave him. You don't want something to happen to you internally and then have a lot of medical costs and discomfort.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 May 2013):
I'd leave him anyways. You already told him you don't want to do it, and he berates you by calling you selfish and doesn't care about how you were hurt. He doesn't deserve to have you, and I'm guessing if someone rammed a 14-inch dildo up his anal sphincter he wouldn't like it as well.
I understand others telling you to tell him that he needs to stop asking or it's over, but in my opinion, he's already displayed a disgusting lack of care for how you feel, and that's a deal breaker in itself.
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reader, N91  +, writes (5 May 2013):
 If I were in your shoes, to put it bluntly I'd tell him to fuck off.
What an inconsiderate piece of shite. You've been injured by it in the past yet he continues to pester and pester you.
Tell him to either put a sock in it or you will find somebody who has the decency to respect their gf's wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2013): Really OP? Your boyfriend won't stop pressuring you to do something is not only painful for you but has damaged you and could end up permanently damaging you and you don't know what to do?
I guess if he liked punching you in the face you would let him pester you to be allowed to do that too?
Simple, he shuts up about and respects your decision or he goes.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (5 May 2013):
 "I've tried telling him it's painful, he thinks I'll get used to it in time and that I am selfish to his needs."
No one NEEDS anal sex, is he seriously that manipulative and self-centered? You were in so much pain you RIPPED YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS, and he is calling you selfish because he can't experience an orgasm in a minutely different way? Seriously, what kind of a selfish jerk thinks that is OK!
Your boyfriend is selfish and doesn't care about your needs at all, all he cares about is masturbating into you. Sorry if it's crude, but only someone who is truly callous and uncaring could seriously think it's OK to demand his "partner" submit to being in serious pain and harming herself for his wants.
I think you should tell him that if he tries to force you into hurting yourself again you'll leave, and mean it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2013): Take it from me honey why do you put yourself through this abuse? You have to stop being his sex toy. If he wants it so bad tell him you want to do it to him with a dildo so he can first hand get the same experience. What is fair is fair no? I am sure after you've rammed him with the biggest dildo you can find he will rapidly loss his appetite for ramming you. This is totally unacceptable and you have to lay down the rules. As with my boyfriend we have been dating almost three years and we talked about this practice way back before we became a item and intimate with each other only. Listen clearly the discussion lasted thirty seconds. I said I never did it or had it done to me and nobody ever will. My boyfriend looked me in the eye and said no way and thought it was a gross act also. But all said and done I love to have oral sex done to me by my boyfriend and that is only to my beaver nowhere else. Tell your boyfriend the only one being selfish is him. Its about time he started paying more attention to your beaver and your oral needs. Maybe then you can compare who is really being selfish in all this. Stop this right now. What the hell Here? Good-luck.
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reader, Got Issues +, writes (5 May 2013):
 Your boyfriend is the selfish one. You've tried it several times, so he's already got more than a lot of women would ever have agreed to. You find it painful and it's caused you injury and you're afraid to do it again and STILL he keeps badgering you, trying to make you feel guilty about it. He's being a total d*ck and isn't showing you respect. There is compromise involved in sex and you've done your bit. Now he needs to compromise.
You need to tell him very clearly and only once that you do not want to do it and that he needs to back right off. If he doesn't stop pressuring you, and if this is a deal-breaker for him, then you need to think about splitting up so that he can find a girl who will give him anal sex and you can be free to find someone who respects you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2013): I like anal and do it casually but I hate rape. If the woman says no, I may try to persuade her but I will never force her.
The way you describe it, he is a rapist. Ha has damaged you and still wants more. I don't see the reason why you are still with him. Do you think he will give up? I'm a man and I can assure you, if he can't stop himself now, he will never be able to stop himself.
If you "have to" stay with him, teach him a lesson, use this old trick: Next time he wants anal, don't clean your inside thoroughly. Let him go in deep. You can guess the rest. He will never forget it.
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