A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, my boyfriend is 6yrs older then me we have a son together. we currently dont live together but we are in the process of buying a house and we plan on getting married. Yesterdayw we got into it, he called me mutiple names and told me i was a terrible girlfriend and im imature this isnt the first time. It hurt me soo bad to hear him say those things to me but at the same time he dont want to breakup. What should i do? should i get over this and stay with him to continue to try the family thing?? Or should i leave him??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): If he continuously disrespects you and is constantly putting you down, then why on earth would you want it to be viewed by your child that such a thing is acceptable? If you are okay with this behavior, are okay with your child seeing and hearing this behavior, and are okay with this behavior possibly being passed down to your child, then by all means continue with your plans. It sounds like both of you have a lot of growing up to do before settling down into a family situation, and time will do that. If you are seriously ready for this level of a relationship then i would advise on seriously considering some type of counseling or therapy for the both of you in order to solidify your relationship. Also, taking classes at a local community college could be helpful. They do have classes for parents, about relationships, and about families.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): honey, you are so young and my advice for you is not to rush and live with him and get married to him...who knows!! today he is calling names he might hit you tomorrow ....dont leave him for calling names but if it goes any further please do so
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (17 February 2011):
 Name calling is never fair and is learned behavior. Look at his family - do they do this nonproductive sort of "communication?" If so - good luck. People from name-calling families rarely see that this is exactly what the problem is. They have no way of communicating - there by solving the problem is not going to happen. All they want to do is name-call and browbeat. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you and your child deserve better treatment and mean it. If you don't this is all you will get.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): It is important for your son to have a mom and a dad, but what your boyfriend is doing is unexcusable. Your son will only see a miserable mom and that isn't the best for you or him. Dump this guy no matter how hard it may seem, what if he became physically abusive someday?
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (16 February 2011):
 I think you should stay with him but don't buy a house with him or marry him until the two of you can agree on a better way to resolve your differences. You will have differences and that's ok. What's not ok is the current way they are being resolved. You have a beautiful child together. That child deserves a home filled with love and respect. This is doable. If you both want to resolve your differences in a more loving way the two of you will be happier and love each other more than you do today. And all three of you will reap the benefits.
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A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (16 February 2011):
From this information, I really can't give any advice in either direction.
What sorts of names did he call you? In what way did he call you these names (as in was he simply saying: "you can be a b*tch sometimes, or was he threateningly ranting and screaming at you)? Because this makes a big difference. How is your relationship other than the fight yesterday? Do you both treat each other well? Do you get along normally? Do you deserve or at least somewhat deserve what he said? Because if you are immature and act immature, and he got upset and called you immature, that's fairly understandable. So it really matters what he said, how he said it, and why he said it.
Verbal abuse is so hard to judge. If it's accompanied by any physical abuse or threats, then please do leave him. If you're afraid around him, please leave him. But if he simply got angry and said some things in a moment of anger, then take some time to figure out what you want. Especially if maybe what he said holds some truth. For example, my bf sometimes gets angry at me and has called me a selfish b*tch before, which I admit I sometimes am. Now, after he's mad he will apologize and we will make up and he will admit that I am selfish and can be a b*tch, but he didn't really mean to yell at me like that. And I have called him a jerk and an a**hole when I'm mad. And same thing, he sometimes does things that are jerky. Most people sometimes lose their temper and say things they later regret. On the other hand, if you are hurt afterwards, does he try to comfort you? Do the 2 of you constructively talk about the issues in the relationship that are causing the fighting and make him call you a terrible gf and immature? Because that's the bigger issue I think. How to work through both of your issues with each other.
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