A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently started dating this guy at college. I'm 22 and he's 23 and I feel that there is a strong mutual attraction between us. I have always been a very sexual person with guys in past relationships, and unlike many women, I have no problem reaching orgasm at least once during intercourse. But since we started having sex together, I've gotten very confused. He usually takes a lonnnnng time to orgasm, that is, if he can orgasm at all. Could this have to do with masturbation? I do not know what he does behind closed doors when I'm not around, but I masturbate quite frequently and have no difficulty coming. Also, one time when we had sex last week he came within a few minutes. He always seems to be concerned about coming too fast, which i have difficulty understanding since it seems (to me anyway) that he has difficulty ejaculating. I have found that chances of him reaching orgasm are more successful when I incorporate oral sex for him into our foreplay. But sometimes even then, he cannot come for the life of him. Sometimes he even has trouble staying hard, or hard enough to stay inside me at least. Not to sound full of myself, but we are both very attractive people, so I don't think body image or not being turned on has to do with it. Just in case, I've been trying to point out different things about him I find sexy before or during, and sometimes after sex. I'm starting to get concerned and it makes me feel like a failure in bed when I fail to make him orgasm. Does this sound familiar to anyone, and if so what is the cause of it and how can I fix it?? Thanks.
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foreplay, oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): He's probably slightly embarrassed already, but not to the extent that it worries him unduly. If he's anything like me he won't be too concerned about not coming himself and will be quite happy that he's done the trick for you.
I assume that the two of you have good communication between you, and that nothing is too awkward to talk about, so just tell him you'd like him to have his own orgasm before considering yours. Once he gets into the habit of not holding back things should get back onto an even keel and everyone will be happy!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who has answered so far. Your responses have brought my confidence up and made me want to do my best to please him first. Does anyone have a suggestion as to how I should bring it up? I want to communicate that In understand and want to work through this is a way that satisfies us both, but I don't want him to get embarrassed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): This absolutely sounds like he is on anti-depresants. I am on the drug Effexor and I do the EXACT same thing. Trust me, its nothing do to with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): I think what's happening here is that he's exercising a lot of self-control to stop himself coming too soon, and he's simply going past the point of no return where he becomes numb to the sensations and can't quite get there. He'll go soft for the same reason.
Masturbation won't have anything to do with it.
I'd suggest you tell him that just for a change you want him to come as soon as he feels like it and not to hold back. Half an hour or so later he ought to be ready to go again and finish the job on you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): I have the same 'problem', and to be honest most women don't mind it. I used to be on antidepressents and they really make it difficult to orgasm (in fact some of those medications are expressly prescribed for premature ejaculation) so maybe its that? Although i'm off them now i still tke a long time, but it varies. Also, for myself, its usually mental in nature, either im thinking about something thats worrying me or im nervous (perhaps the fear of cumming too early) or else my mind is on something else, which can happen. They're just some ideas why. You probably are hot, don't worry! A good idea would be to initiate sex some night, but keep him teased, thats a massive turn on for me anyway... sexy underwear isnt bad either. It makes sex seem less like a chore to us guys; there's nothing more unsexy than feeling yer woman isnt into it.
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