A
female
age
30-35,
*ouncygirl1912
writes:To start off, I recently had a break up with my boyfriend of 2 years. In my eyes, the relationship was amazing, couple fights here and there...but all round just amazing. We both love eachother and want to be together in the future.There was nothing wrong with the sex we had or anything like that either.So he told me the reason for the break up is because he feels we are too young right now to make a huge commitment in our lives. We need time to experience other people, and worry about our grades in school.We are both 17 years old.Anyways, I totally understand what he's saying...My situation now: Every time I see him with some other girl I get really jealous and have to talk to him about it. I feel like he's cheating on me but I know we're over..and there is nothing I can do about it.He also says he doesn't have any feelings for these girls all he wants to do is use them for sex and then leave them. (and he feels this makes him more of a man)..First off, I feel this is wrong!! (and I told him) and second, how do I know I'm not one of those girls?He tells me that I'm the one he wants to be with forever and not to worry about anything. I just can't help but to feel used and I feel so stupid sometimes.Now I'm getting to the point where I don't care about him anymore and I'm getting scared for us.Any suggestions at all?I love him so much and he's really a great guy... This really isn't like him but if it's the new him I don't think I can take it anymore.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): There is nothing wrong with "using these other girls for sex" as long as he's not telling total lies to them in the process. You can have a problem with him not being the guy you want but that's a different issue.
He's moved on. Probbaly time for you to move on.
If he wants you to stay "his" while he does this, then that is YOUR DECISION. Do it if you want, but you need to take responsibility for allowing yourself to be unfairly used like that if you would rather stay with him than demand fidelity from him. You have a choice.
His "wrong"-ness doesn't begin until he starts lying to someone during all this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): No offense.It sound like this guy is a bit of a dickhead.I mean he uses women for sex because 'it makes him feel like a man'?That shit doesn't wash no matter how young you are. No one has the right to use another person for their own means. No one.Under no circumstances.This man should be set upon by all the women he dupes and his ass kicked nine ways from Sunday until he realises women aren't objects to be abused in this manner.So get the hell over this creep and find a guy who isn't gonna sleep around to justify his weak-mindedness and inability to move beyond his hormones.I repeat, in spite of the other responses, being young is no excuse. If you want a serious relationship find a guy wh'll give you one.Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, Truthfulrealisation  +, writes (21 November 2007):
Sounds horrible to say but he wants to enjoy his life now. The one reason why he can't stay with you is because if he does he thinks that when he is older he will regret not taking advantage of his youth. He is right in some sense, because when you get older life slows down. He is a bit wrong when he says he is not going to connecct himself with any of them.
One thing however. You should proberly do the same thing and move on, because there is no guarantee he won't fall for one of them, and that leaves you all alone, so you should realy move on.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (21 November 2007):
 Hmm. Okay, I agree that you are a bit young for a serious commitment. Yes you have to get out there and experience the world. Relationships make that very difficult and at that age, you can grow apart. I was in that boat at 16 years old and stayed with my ex for 7 years. Caused a lot of pain but I wont get into that. On the other hand, getting out there in the world does not mean dating other people necessarily. I dont think its wise to go out and date more people then try to get back with eachother later. I think you should move on. Focus on discovering who you are and what you want to do with your life. Then, you will definately be ready for a serious relationship.
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