A
female
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*onfusionz
writes:Revenge. Hi everyone. The last time I wrote was back in August when I told you that my ex of nearly 4 years wanted to get back with me. We did get back but it only lasted 4 weeks. He decided he wanted to go back to the woman he had left me for. Well now I want some revenge and I would like some really good ones. That man used me just so that she would want him back and give him what he wants. She bought him a £5000 van for his work and are now talking about getting married although he claims he doesn't want to marry her! He really hurt and humiliated me and made me feel like nothing during the whole 4 weeks we were supposedly together. Surprisingly, we are still on speaking terms as I am trying to make him think I really want him back although it is hard sometimes to keep up the pretence. He has promised to get some jobs around the house done for me as a way of saying sorry but is taking his time in doing so. His ego is so big that he thinks I will let him back anytime. He has also invited me to go away with him for my birthday which I am thinking about. My plan is to try to get him away from that bitch who lured him back to her because she has more money than me and once I get him back and she is out of the picture then I will dump him like he dumped me. I am really working hard at this and it seems he is confused again as to where he wants to be but is still with this other woman who seems to be holding onto to him. I need some really good tips on what to do. I am making him think that we can be friends but soon he will want more which I am not prepared to give.
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female
reader, camille +, writes (3 October 2006):
 Then set a great example to your son by showing how to respond in a composed and rational way or you'll just be teaching him that's it's ok to seek revenge and cause others pain, damage etc when you get hurt.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): You should take him to court to get support payments for your boy - assuming you have custody - and to let the court order scheduled visits by the father.
Beyond that, have as little to do with this man as possible. If you insist on trying to get vengeance, you will only find that it rebounds on you, bites you back. Let the revenge part drop.
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A
female
reader, confusionz +, writes (2 October 2006):
confusionz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers and I do take on board what you've said. However, I didn't mention that we do have a six year old son together and part of the reason why I did let him back was for our son's sake. For him to be a better father to his son, etc as he promised us. Now my son has lost his father again and he really does want to see more of him and really misses him and it does make me feel angry and upset. So where a lot of the responses have been for me to forget about him and move on, that I really can't do. For the sake of my son I am trying to be amicable but at the same time would like to get my own back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): I'm in complete agreement with Stina and Camille! Hatred is like corrosive acid - it will eat away at YOU.
By hatching all these devious plots and schemes, you are only descending to his level of nasty behavior!
The best "revenge" you can get would be to dump him, NOW!
Then devote your time and energy to finding a man who will really care about you and treat you well!
Just stop asking him to do odd jobs around your home (surely you can find a handyman for those) and next time you hear from him, tell him you do not want to hear from him again - not now, not ever.
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (2 October 2006):
 Hi Confusionz,
I agree with Camille 100%. Just stop all contact with this guy. Why do you want to turn into the jerk that you've just described? In my opinion this will only hurt you in the long run. Do you really want to be known as someone who could do this?
Please think long and hard about this. It would probably be better to spend this much effort on finding someone who you actually like anyway, don't you think?
Take care.
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A
male
reader, fallenman +, writes (2 October 2006):
 For sure I can truly see why you are angry with your ex. But you should have refused him when he wanted to come back last time. Don't assume he will fall into your trap. He appears to be a conviencing liar and as you feel cheated and used he can manipulate you just like before.
You may get lucky and your revenge scheme works, or it may back fire and leave you worse off than you are know.
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A
female
reader, camille +, writes (2 October 2006):
My really good tip is to forget it! This may make you feel better for moment but not long term. Revenge is a very soul destroying act and would only bring you down to their level. Cut all ties with him, give up the plans, the pretence, all of it. Let the rat go. Keep him out of your life. You've come thropugh a bad experience, don't make it any worse. It'll just turn you into a bitter, twisted, angry and pitiful woman.
The best revenge is to hold you head up, have a fantastic life and get on happily without him.
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A
female
reader, camille +, writes (2 October 2006):
My really good tip is to forget it! This may make you feel better for moment but not long term. Revenge is a very soul destroying act and would only bring you down to their level. Cut all ties with him, give up the plans, the pretence, all of it. Let the rat go. Keep him out of your life. You've come thropugh a bad experience, don't make it any worse.
The best revenge is to hold you head up, have a fantastic life and get on happily without him.
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A
female
reader, Eve42 +, writes (2 October 2006):
 Wow girl, please leave this guy, you are going to get hurt in this process, tell him now to get lost, he is still useing you, revenge is an empty thing, and what goes around comes around eventually. Get rid of this guy and carry on with your life, take it as a learning expireance.
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