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female
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*imone
writes: I have been with my boyfriend now for nearly a year. My previous boyfriend cheated on me (i lost count of how many times and with how many different people) this effected me very badly as i was blind and thought he was 'the one'. Since this happened i have been very insecure and terrified that my current boyfriend is going to do the same, he has told me many times he would never do that but i still get worried it could happen. he gets angry with me if i ask him things that would make me feel safer in the relationship such as 'would you ever lie to me?'My boyfriend went to Newquay a couple of months ago with friends, these friends told him 'as long as your not in the same place as her, you can do what you want with girls' he told me he rufused to do anything and i trusted that he didn't. Dan goes out clubbing occasionally aswell with these friends and im worried that he may be convinced to do the same, especially as this time he would be drunk and in less control of himself. I notice him staring at other girls in the street and he denies it, he added his ex girlfriend on messenger and i saw this and he denied it, he had a contact group on messenger called 'sexy gals' which i questioned and he yet again he denied any knowledge of this and this suddenly changed from 'sexy gals' to 'random people' and i wasnt even in the list, just four other girls were in it.Also if a girl tries dancing with him in a club he jus slowly dances away and doesnt even tell them he has a girlfriend. I really dont know what to do about any of this, whether its a problem i am causing or a problem he is causing, i dont know whether to trust him or not after he has lied about certain things already please help me i feel im losing someone important!
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cheated on me, clubbing, drunk, ex girlfriend, has a girlfriend, his ex, insecure, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): Hey look your not the only one that something like that has happened to!! My boyf cheated on me with my best friend & bridesmaid to be!!!! The only thing that got me thro it was knowing that I wasn't in the wrong, I just changed my number, moved away got a new job, met new people and when I did met my new boyf it did take me ages to trust him again but you can't treat them all the same because of one bad experience......
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006):
Camille is right- its too much. You are 'observing' him in clubs, asking his friends what they told him, snooping in his IM groups, confronting him that you aren't in his "Sexy Gals" group??? How long is this supposed to go on for? Next you will be steaming open his mail and checking the credit card line items to see if he had a lunch that you weren't at.
All I can tell you is the behavior is very offputting and I wouldnt put up with it. I cant tell you how long he will, but I am guesing not too much more before he'll find a relationship where he is treated like an adult.
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (2 October 2006):
 As much as there are a couple of issues there that don't sound like your boyfriend is perfect, you MUST stop this behaviour or you will drive him away and then convince yourself you were right all along. It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just because your ex treated you badly and cheated, does not mean that your boyfriend or anyone else will do the same. No wonder he gets angry, how would you feel if you were mistrusted and tarred with the same brush as someone who's not very nice? You'd probably be angry too. Everyone is different and it's unfair to assume he will do something. I can understand what you've been through but that was in your past. You are not with him anymore so don't let what he did effect what you have. It's not easy but you have to trust your boyfriend or you may as well end it now.
Forget what his friends are doing, he's an individual and can control what he does. You may benefit from seeing a counsellor about this intense insecurity as it's tearing you apart and making you paranoid. You really do have to get over these negative feelings as it's possible that your boyfriend tells lies to avoid the confrontation from you as it's clear you go on about him cheating. He may not feel he can talk to you because of your worries. Yes he could cheat on you, that can happen to anyone at any time, but if you're living in constant fear of it happening, you're going to have a very miserable life. Maybe you got together with him too soon after the last break up, I don't know, but you don't own him and so you have to cut some slack and let him do his own thing. Try to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him or you may lose him.
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