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female
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*imone
writes: I have been with my boyfriend now for nearly a year. My previous boyfriend cheated on me (i lost count of how many times and with how many different people) this effected me very badly as i was blind and thought he was 'the one'. Since this happened i have been very insecure and terrified that my current boyfriend is going to do the same, he has told me many times he would never do that but i still get worried it could happen. he gets angry with me if i ask him things that would make me feel safer in the relationship such as 'would you ever lie to me?'My boyfriend went to Newquay a couple of months ago with friends, these friends told him 'as long as your not in the same place as her, you can do what you want with girls' he told me he rufused to do anything and i trusted that he didn't. Dan goes out clubbing occasionally aswell with these friends and im worried that he may be convinced to do the same, especially as this time he would be drunk and in less control of himself. I notice him staring at other girls in the street and he denies it, he added his ex girlfriend on messenger and i saw this and he denied it, he had a contact group on messenger called 'sexy gals' which i questioned and he yet again he denied any knowledge of this and this suddenly changed from 'sexy gals' to 'random people' and i wasnt even in the list, just four other girls were in it.Also if a girl tries dancing with him in a club he jus slowly dances away and doesnt even tell them he has a girlfriend. I really dont know what to do about any of this, whether its a problem i am causing or a problem he is causing, i dont know whether to trust him or not after he has lied about certain things already please help me i feel im losing someone important!
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cheated on me, clubbing, drunk, ex girlfriend, has a girlfriend, his ex, insecure Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (2 October 2006):
 I think this thing is mostly on you. He can't make-up for the past mistakes of your ex-boyfriend nor should he have to. There are somethings that are questionable but nothing that can't be discussed rationally. You're right. You are in a position to lose someone who is important to you and it will be your fault. In your court its guilty until proven innocent and this isn't fair at all. How would you like it if you were under the same scrutiny? Everybody looks at other people on the street. What is he supposed to do look at the ground the whole time he walks. I say you learn to talk things out. If possible take some time apart and sort out your bad feelings about this whole situation. It seems as if you haven't healed from the previous relationship failure. Don't make him be the bad guy for your insecurities. Good Luck.
A
male
reader, fallenman  +, writes (2 October 2006):
 You are in a difficult situation, your lack of trust could well be undermining your bf's confidence and trust in you.
The more you check and question the more it will eat away at your relationship.
Your fear of losing him will drive you to check more for reassurance. It can become a vicious circle and cause you to end up trusting no one at all not even yourself.
The way to get off this roundabout is to accept that you cannot totally trust anyone but you can at least trust them as far as they demonstrate trustworthiness.
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