A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My heart is so broken. I am in love with a man who for some reason does not respect me and can not treat me consistently and kindly. He keeps me stringing along, says he loves me and then ignores me. Wants me to live with him and marry me, but wont see me on a regular basis as a girlfriend so i wont agree to that. He said he wanted to go out with me this weekend, so I stupidly agree and say we should go out friday, and no answer. I just feel so stupid. I love him so much, he is the only man ive ever loved, but it hurts so much. I want to tell him tonight that i love him, but why am I saying this to someone who only wants me on his terms. My heart breaks every day that i dont hear from him and every day that i do hear from him. I have no confidence left. I at least know now that this is his problem and it is not my fault he is like this. What can I do? I wish so badly he wanted me and cared for me the way he did when we first met, as things were so good for a while before things changed. Why do I love someone who treats me so bad?I feel so hopeless.
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male
reader, MrShy  +, writes (20 January 2007):
Hello,
As I read this post, I almost passed out, as your current scenario is almost the exact replica of my situation, and honestly speaking, I'm also fed up with the nonsense.
What Irish49 wrote, I agree with 100%, but I know exactly how you feel right now.
I know that you don't want to let go, and that you hope that deep down that he changes his behaviour, I know that when you angry with him, you're blinded with fury, and regret ever letting him get close to you, and knowing you personally, and intimately or ever seeing your vulnerable side, and I know that when he does some screw up that when he comes round you forgive him quickly, in the hope that it's the last time he steps over your heart with no regards for your feelings... but then the next morning it starts all over.
When he doesn't answer calls or texts back, he always has some excuse, or the coin flips over and he is angry with you for asking where he was, or for an explaination as to why he doesn't reply, and leaves you hanging and he answers that he doesn't want to feel as though he must justify his every move to you, and gives you the silent treatment?
And last, BUT not least, you always find an excuse as to why he doesn't answer, or why he doesn't call, you think perhaps he is inundated with work, and family commitments, and we make up those excuses just to ease the pain into not feeling rejected from the one person that once made you feel as though you could walk on air and said that they'd love you for always, and the person that you once felt that he'd move mountains just to be with you.
I know how you feel, infact more than you know, I still hurt and honestly speaking I'm still sorting through it, but at least I know that it's not my fault and I know that he is the fool and not me.
and I also know that you think, "will you ever love anyone the same way as you did with him."
If you want to chat please reply, i think, "Infact I know" that we can help one another through this, as we are in the same boat with "partners" made from the exact same "dough" so to speak.
Best Wishes,a dn I hope to hear from you.
M xxx
A
female
reader, salsere +, writes (20 January 2007):
Hey there,
Girl i am so sorry you are feeling the way you are feeling, but YOU know deep down that this man is no good for you.
You have already told yourself its not your fault, i know its hard for someone to just sit and spurt words out of wisdom but sometimes you just have to be that little bit stronger and just walk away!!!
You think you love him so much, but darling this is not love.
Love is when it is given back, love is so many things, love is a very strong word. Why should you give him all your love and affection and get nothing in return. its unfair to you. it seems to me he just wants his cake and eat it, he wants you when it suits him and screw your feelings. Dont take no more of that, you deserve to be with somebody that can love you back the way you love them.
I know you think its love, but honestly when you find love YOUR KNOW IT, what you have is just onesided and when you do meet that right one, THEN YOUR KNOW it wasnt love with him at all.
i wish you all the best and send you lots of strength in order for you to get stronger and live life for yourself and not for someone who cannot love you back - NOW if that all sounds wrong and you beleive he loves you, then you need to sit down and talk with him, tell him how your feeling if then nothing changes then you know what to do!!
all the best xxxxxxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): You need to get this man 'out of your head!'He's simply not worth your pain. You keep giving and nothing is coming back, hun. If nothings is coming back, there isn't anything there, is there. Your insecurities, your fears of losing him are controlling your every thought and movement, in this relationship. Get a hold of that. He's doing an interesting piece of work on you. Your behaviours and lack of boundries have given him license to treat you like crap. It's not right and it will worsen. In my opinion, he sounds uncommitted, self-centered and your posting paints a clear picture of a man who profoundly disrespects you and possibly does not love you, in the way you deserve. You are a woman who is experiencing a painful, toxic love. Love does not fix personality problems and he has a major one! Real love is a two-way street, an equal commitment between a man a woman. Many women try to rationalize a man's poor behaviour by putting a 'bandage' on his personality and his bad behaviours, which they cannot fix.
Hun, Love is supposed to make us come alive, look forward to life and a future with our partners. And mutual respect is foundational. This isn't happening here. Your resentments, your frustration, your self-doubts...are caused by his lack of caring and your inability to set tough boundries on what you type of treatment you will tolerate. This should have been in place, right off the start of this relationship. How he is behaving with you right now is the best behavior you can expect from him, unless he makes some dramatic changes to his way of thinking. Usually, as intimacy increases a couple binds closer together, leaving others behind. In the best of worlds, they make each other their best friend. This isn't occurring here. Women should never feel guilt, regret or demeaned for voicing their feelings. Your feelings are to be respected but he doesn't do that, does he? This gives you an enormous amount of information about who he is. Now, if you want to live a miserable life with a difficult, selfish man, well, I can’t talk you out of it. I recommend, however, you date a man for happiness, kindness, peace, and reciprocated love. You will not get it with this man. All his excuses, his lack of caring are little polite rejections and I think you need to 'face this' rather than keep denying it. When men don't love anymore, some are not afraid of ruining the relationship and I feel, this is the game he's playing because he cannot be honest with you. Does he ever show remorse for what he does? Because, showing little remorse over the pain he caused, reveals a lot about a guy’s true nature. If you stay with him, you're, in effect, saying, "it's perfectly acceptable for you to treat me badly." while all the time, he drains your spirit and he continually treats you like a doormat. Unless he changes, it's probably what you'll continue getting. I believe, when a man truely loves a women, he will move mountains to contact her no matter how busy his day is. He will center his love and life on her. Back away and move forward..if this seriously jeopardizes the relationship, then accept that. Face the pain of loss, recover and realize, you gave it your best shot. So rethink this relationship. I believe, when a man truely loves a women, he will move mountains to contact her no matter how busy his day is. He will center his love and life on her. Do some thinking and reassess, dear. I wish you well and keep us posted. Take care, dear.
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