A
female
age
41-50,
*9agegap
writes:HiI'm sort of dating a 44 yr old man (I'm 25). He's liked me for a year now and when I broke up with my ex, he took the chance to tell me that he likes me. Since then, we've been casually dating. He treats me like a queen, is rich and successful, single, never been married and is a nice guy. We share common interests like food and traveling. He wants to get married and have kids if things work out between us. He also looks (and behaves) young for a 44 year old. He exercised a lot and he still has 6-packs!However, there are some issues1. 19 year age gap bothers me. Maybe not obvious now but 10-20 yrs down the road...2. I just broke up with my ex 3 months ago and at 25, I felt like I just didn't want anything serious3. I've always treated him as a friend and i find it hard to suddenly see him as a boyfriend4. He's caucasian and I'm from a conservative asian family5. I'm not sure if I want to settle down Thing is, sometimes I think we can work out and I find him attractive. But then almost immediately I'll think about 19 year age gap, and that he looks old.This has been going on in my mind for more than a month, and I really don't want to lead him on when I'm unsure about what I want. But I'm also afraid to let him go as I think he is a good catch.He is very rich, so he likes to pamper me with expensive dinners and presents, which I've tried to resist in vain. Sometimes I even lose respect for myself when I date him especially with the obvious material things. I'm not sure if I like him cuz he treats me like a queen, or rather if I like him for him anymore.I just keep thinking that things would be much better if he's not 19 years ago as the age gap really bothers me, as well as the gold-digger label.Please advice me!19agegap
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female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (23 May 2007):
 If you don't think you could ever get over the age gap, then again, I think you should just remain friends. I really would hate to see you waste time in someone that you really can not see yourself 100% happy with...but those are just my thoughts. I do wish you luck....no matter what you decide.
Take Care!!
A
female
reader, 19agegap +, writes (22 May 2007):
19agegap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your answers. The thing is I do like him a little, but I don't know if I can ever get over the age gap...
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (22 May 2007):
What century are you living in? You are dating but yet the criteria has already been assigned for your future, and since when does, single, never married, rich and treat you like a Queen quantify someone...just look at celebrities, loads of money, do you ever read or respect that their choices/marriages are happy. And why are you asking about an age gap, does anyone bat an eyelid when a man in his 60's marries a woman or dates someone in her 40's. I find it astonishing that all you mention is that you share your interests of travel and food....AND what else? You aren't filling out a market research paper.. Expensive things and an opportunity of security is fine, but actually get to know this man. Has it occurred to you that he is 44 and is feeling that he should conclude the last step of the predictive expectations of society, think about it he has achieved everything else, job, nice car, money and probably a nice young virile woman who is attractive and fits the bill, to just tick off the last thing, wife and children...sound very cynical but you seem caught up with opportunities and the thought of safety. Nice clothes, expensive jewellery and having 'the' car or 'living in the neighbourhood' are all great and sure makes life easier, having housekeeps, nannies and reliable cars and shopping for whatever, but that really doesn't matter it is who you are, what he is to you and what you both want...This isn't Victorian Britain where you considered your wife or husband as a good catch...
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (22 May 2007):
First I congratulate you for seeing and questioning your concerns. I think most females would love to take advantage of a man such as he and never think twice about it, however, you already have been answering your own thoughts and questions. I think you already know that the age difference would have you totally headed for divorce court in a matter of a few years. Why? Because you already can't see yourself with him as HE ages to become 50, then 60, etc...He might be looking for a younger female to MAKE him happy, but will it make YOU? And will you still love him? Really love him? I think because you have recently come out of a relationship, it's easy to say that it's been nice for someone to pay some attention to you...but just don't get yourself caught up in a rebound relationship. You need to truly get over your ex, and just take care of you 100%. Do things that make you happy and maybe hang out with your single girlfriends and have fun with them. I don't think race play's a part in this, if you love someone..you love someone, no matter what color or background they are from. But from all what you have stated, I really feel as if you should wait, only see him as a friend AND let him know it so you don't lead him on...that is the right thing. I wish there were other women such as yourself who could think things through as you did, because I really feel you already knew your answer. Best Wishes in your new chapter of your new life!! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): If you're not comfortable with the relationship dont stay in it and especailly dont get married, if you do you could end up regretting it later on and the marraige could turn nasty, if he wants to pamper you thats his business but dont lead him down the road let him know staright that you dont want to get into a relationship with him or else you could end up ruining your friendhsip
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