A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidi do not know how to make my husband of a year understand. we are in immigration process (i am from a diff country), and process is stressing me out since this will decide whether i can live here with him or cannot. He thinks i am over reacting and will not get prepared for the process, keeps saying he is bad with dates or cannot remember names or the timelines. we dated for 4 years before marriage, i remember the first date and 2nd date, or when i met his parents... he does not and he will not even try to remember. I am stressed out, so now he is complaining that i am being pushy and he wont even talk to me or have sex with me anymorePls dont think i am with him for being in this country. i am not, i met him through friends and i never thought we would marry or be together. It just happened and i want to lead a life with him, but he will not understand my problem. Sorry if i am ranting, pls help me to make him understand how this is very much important to me. Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone,I'm the op, we got approved on the spot on the interview .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2020): Please show him YouTube videos there is lots of videos search and show him
Show him
What kind of questions they will ask him???
I totally understand your situation
You are worried about getting immigration status through marriage and you have to prove immigration officers that your marriage is real
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2020): First-off, this is where you come to vent, rant, and air your grievances; or a place to seek comfort and advice. Do not apologize for asking for help with something that bothers you. If we can do anything to help you sleep better, or give you some peace of mind; we are more than obliged and willing to help you.
I'm afraid there is little anyone can do, if your husband isn't as enthusiastically engaged in seeking your legalization through immigration as you are. He really shouldn't seem nervous or anxious; or the assigned immigration-official will become suspicious. You are only recently-married; and depending on your country of origin, I guess that's whats creating your angst. I know the recent laws aren't particularly welcoming to Latin, African, and Arabic immigrants.
You may need to find an immigration lawyer to help you with the bureaucratic process; and with our present administration, it has become quite complicated. Your husband has to be the one who is calm; if you're going to be too anxious. However, he shouldn't take anything for granted; because you have to cross all your t's and dot your i's, as you well know. Things are different from what they used to be, I'm sure he knows that.
Do some research, often immigration law-students and legal-interns do volunteer-work, or lawyers do pro bono work for charity. Check around and ask questions. You might find someone who can navigate you through the ins and outs; and that might motivate your husband to be more proactive, or take things more seriously. Sometimes people pretend nonchalance when they don't understand; so as not to look stupid. It may seem he is dumping much of the leg-work on you on purpose; maybe he just can't be bothered. I would guess it's because he hates the red-tape, jumping through hoops, and he's confused by it. I'm not sure what not having sex has to do with any of this? You have to ask him if he suddenly regrets getting married? I think you're rushing to a lot of conclusions out of anxiety and nerves, my dear.
Try your best not to be overly-anxious; you can only move as fast as the process allows you to. Fidgeting, losing sleep, and driving your husband nuts will wear you down. It will start to shorten tempers; and begin to erode your relationship with tension. He's new at this immigration-business, and you're newly-married. He doesn't know anymore about either than you do (assuming this is his first). If he doesn't remember minute-details; you will have to coach him, and make him a cheat-sheet to refresh his memory. Just in case it comes-up during the interview process. I think a legal-professional would ease your concerns. He or she would let you know when to be concerned, and when not to. If you have a lawyer already, you shouldn't have to write to an advice site about what your husband should be doing about your immigration processing.
I think getting some legal-help will guide and maneuver you through the process. Your local immigration department may have some immigration-officials who are encouraged to make the process more complicated and slow for certain nationalities. That's why having a lawyer handy to identify when there is someone deliberately making the documentation and interview process intimidating, or unnecessarily confusing for you. Most people, are just doing their jobs. It's not supposed to be easy-peasy. The lawyer will also let your husband know when he should be taking this all seriously; if he intends to keep you in this country. If he's diddling-around on purpose? No one knows!
If he has lost interest in sex, that's a non-related issue. Sometimes passion fizzles during tense and challenging times. If he's over 40, his testosterone-levels may be declining. You have been together for over 4 years; you'll reach a peak, sometimes your love-life just slows-down for awhile. Only he knows what's going-on in his mind and body. It might help if you chilled-out a bit. Jumping to conclusions and losing-it isn't going to help matters at all.
A good-guess is that he doesn't want to get you pregnant just yet! It might be bad-timing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 February 2020):
 Is it the Interview you are worrying about?
Or just in general?
He is pulling away for a reason, but is it because you are pulling a "Spanish inquisition" on him to make sure he does know all the dates and what you did in case they(INS) ask about it?
It's not like he HAS to remember all the dates and times and places you were over the last 4 years with total recall.
You COULD sit down and make a little photo album with dates, pictures for him (and yourself) of the important dates.
Are you studying for your Citizen's test? Do you work? Are you even allowed to work? If not... maybe consider volunteering. To get OUT of the house and experience life.
If can be that you are a little too intense with all this (NOT that I blame you, I have been there done that, and my husband is not good with dates/places either, but it will be OK).
Relax a little. Stop and breathe and enjoy life.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (27 February 2020):
 I’m sorry you’re in this situation. It may take the pressure of the interview for him to realise how important it is. Stop bothering him with it. Nagging him, whilst it is important and understandable, will only push him further away. Just make sure you’re prepared.
I must admit, I’d have a niggling question about my marriage if my husband was so dismissive about something as important as whether we could live in the same country or not.
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