A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am confused. I really like this guy at work who is senior to me. We had an instant rapport and I feel very close to him which is quite a lot for me as I do not let people get emotionally close to me easily. We have confided bits and pieces to each other about our insecurites and feelings (not for each other)and he seems to trust me and enjoy my company. The problem is, other people seem to 'see' our rapport as we keep doing things unbeknowingly that show we are on the same wavelength and this has amused some junior staff as they make inappropriate comments, and THE senior staff who seem to now be viewing me with suspicion even though I have not done anything wrong. Because this guy has probably picked up the same uncomfortable vibes he now seems to be over compensating by treating me dismissively in the presence of others and makes it look as if I am chasing him a bit, whereas I actually keep avoiding him becasue I love being him so much. I guess this sounds daft.I suspect he is afraid for several reasons, one is I am still married but seperating, the other one is he has been dumped 2 yrs ago by a partner he has loved a long time, and three I think he is afraid to recognise feelings he has for me in betrayal of his long lost love, not realising we do not have to be IN LOVE to just be friends, at least for now. On the other hand, it could all be self deception and wishful thinking on my part, but I am usually good at this intuition and body language thing, but I still do not trust my instincts in case I am wrong. I do not want a relationship as I am not ready yet, but I am worn out by these mind games at work of him being a pussy cat when we are alone, but like a frightened rabbit if anyone is about.An example is he may be inquisitive as to what my habits are, what I eat, where I am going, but when I innocently said I was off one day on leave, because someone was in earshot he said he had no interest in knowing. I find it difficult to say Boo to a goose, so I found this quite hurtful as I would not be so bold to ask him out!It is one of those 'in your space' things where we can invade each others personal space and feel at home. Sounds corny, but I really do not want to lose that with him but I am afraid of being appearing overpowering if i continue to be natural and it is so hard to step back. Time goes so slow sometimes...
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female
reader, shania +, writes (31 May 2006):
 This man seems shallow because he worries about what other people think and puts them 1st before your feelings....it sounds weak to me.....Since when was it a crime to get on with your co workers?....He listened to the gossip and decided to drop you like a red hot brick...charming! If i was you i would just carry on as normal and if this man asks you what you are doing or going?.....say to him "Oh,...i better not tell you because we dont want the other workers to find out...do we?...It sounds petty i know...but thats exactly what he is doing.You said that he split up with his girlfriend 2 years ago...well i would of thought he'd be over her by now, so im pretty sure he has treated you coldly because of the gossip in the office.So do step back and play it cool and see whether this man of yours does come running with his tail between his legs.
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