A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi i have asked a question about my bf before, as he always goes to the gym and comes home late all week, and now he upsets my pet cats to get at me, my 3 cats are rescued house cats and are very spoilt and mean the world to me, my bf will lift them in the air on the stool they sit on, walk really close to them to make them feel uncomfortable, he has never done anything cruel cruel as if he did he would be out that door! but when i have advised him not to do this and that to them he justs starts an argument about it,he says he likes the cats and would never hurt them but he got the cushion last night and wacked me across the head with it! so obviously i shouted and said why was he being violent, and he said i will show you how violent i can get and then left the room! how childish is he?, now that he upsets my cats and me and acts like an idiot i have stopped feeling love for him and regret leaving my ex of 5 years, i dont know if to keep trying with this relationship or get out, im 22 he is 25 and i feel stuck in a rut! thanks for your advice in advance sorry to go on.
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female
reader, Paig67  +, writes (12 February 2009):
This situation seems very familiar to my bothers and his girlfriends. They live together and she has 2 adult cats and 2 teenage cats. She is however a very sensitive person and my brother works hard all day then goes to the gym to maintain his figure for her as she can be a liitle insulting at times. Anyhow my brothers girlfriend works hard too and is training to become an optician. The problem they have is they dont spend enough time together, regardless of the cats being around.
I say dont focus on the cats so much and try to take some time out for each other!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): You need to run like the wind.....no one has the right to touch let alone hit another person. No excuses. If you respect yourself you will leave now before it gets so bad your'e afraid to leave.
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (6 October 2007):
 I am glad the gates to communication are now open. It is so important in a relationship. Had he told you his problems before, perhaps we would have been a little easier on him. I do hope everything works out!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi me and my bf have sorted things out now, even though there is no excuse for his violent threat to me and the childish behaviour to my cats, he has got problems with his parents and stresses at work which he has not been telling me about, so we have spoken properly and now at a base where i understand how down he is about those things and he knows he was wrong towards the cats and me and now knows if he cant be loving towards them because of a bad mood he may be in then not to bother with them. and regarding him being at the gym so often, he is a body builder so he is going to continue being there 6x a week and im a receptionist and glamour model but we have compromised for him to come home a little earlier a few times a week to have tea toghether and for me to try to fit modelling into the weekdays rather than weekend and spend some quality time toghether,we think we had just stopped communicating properly! thanks for your advice everyone but i dont agree with the one which says im imature, as this is not true and is not constructive for people who are asking for advice to change a negative into a positive, Thank you
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (4 October 2007):
I have 4 cats and two dogs that mean the world to me. I would rather see my boyfriend walk out the door than see anyone of them getting hurt. I know he would NEVER hurt one of them because his arse would be grass and I would be the lawnmower. So on that point I have to agree, I wouldnt see any of them in anyway hurt. Mine are also rescue animals so I know how fragile they are.
Your partner on the other hand obviously has issues. If you dont feel the same way about him anymore then I suggest you let him know that and part company with him. He seems to be rather immature in his actions, but perhaps the fact that he is not happy at home is why he tries to spend as much time away from home too.
If he part company, ensure that just to be on the safe side, you do it somewhere private and perhaps away from your cats.
Good luck and let us know how you get on.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (4 October 2007):
Drastic Knowledge is correct. You are stuck in a rut because you both are really immature, at least from your description, and are getting on each other's nerves. Maybe that's why he's at the gym all the time. Otherwise, you might have been broken up already.
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A
female
reader, IvyWitch9117 +, writes (4 October 2007):
 listen if you've asked him to stop and he hasn't he obviously doesn't have any respect for you... "i'll show you how violent i can get" that's a vicious statement. anyone who suggests that they could be violent to a person they're supposed to care about shouldn't be allowed to have a person to care about besides if you've lost all love and are thinking about past relationships then it's probibly time to get out i mean you're only 22. as many just as good that ever came out of the sea are still in it.
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A
female
reader, drastic knowledge +, writes (4 October 2007):
 you both need to grow up i know your cats are special but there still pets butdont deserve to be messed with but anyways i say he needs a reality check and maybeyou to should talk calm and if not take a break cool things down intill you can get things back together again
good luck
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