A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been having a long distance relationship with a widower for 4 years. we see each other on average around 10 days a month and for the occational holiday. however we do chat everyday on the phone.we do have different outlooks and interests, but we do get along very well and i think compliment one another.even his children and inlaws have accepted me into the family He was with his wife for 20years before her death 8years ago. he was then on his own for 4yrs before we met.He is a very private peson, who went to boarding school from 8 to 19 so didnt have the love and affection or family life. because of this, he is quite happy with his own company.Although a business man, he doesnt have many friends, absorbing himself in his hobby his children and work.I love this man very much, but was recently blown away when he told me that although he loves me , he doesnt know if he wants a future with me or if he would be happier in his own solitary world.its been 4 weeks now and he still cant make up his mind. everything between us seems great, but i am feeling very insecure.what should i do ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): Do you want to be married to this man? If so - it's not going to happen - he is telling you that! If you just want to be "friends" w/out marriage - go for it.
A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (21 September 2007):
 perhaps he is thinking of you in the long term. he was married for 20 years and maybe he gave his wife all the emotion he had, leaving him with nothing to give to you. he loves you but doesn't want to give you half of himself, he'd rather give nothing than a percentage of himself. i think, he can't see a futue with anyone, regardless of who it is and he feels confused, hence him taking so long to make up his mind about what to do for the best.
maybe you should talk to him and suggest that he has some space to really think and that way he doesn't feel pressured into making a decision, unfortunately he may decide he can't love anybody the way he did his wife and he might feel guilty about being happy again.
either way, you need to explain how your feeling.
good luck
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