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female
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anonymous
writes: Been with my partner for 2 years now, love every minute (apart from when i get extrodinarily jealous because he's a very attractive gentleman and the ladies are very easily charmed by him - classic adventurer, full of stories, extremely intelligent with the looks to match) He's a fair bit older than me and been married twice. Had a breakdown after the second because he was so in love with her and she cheated on him, although he wasn't the perfect husband. I believe he was too selfish and she was very jealous. It's been about 6 years since they split, and I don't believe he's over her, though I know he'd never go back. I do think he might still be in love with her. He tells me he'll never be able to love again and if I'm happy being with him for the rest of our years knowing that, he'd like to spend his years with me. He waivers and has told me he loves me on a couple of occasions, can get very soppy but can also be very cold. He told me again last night that he wasn't in love with me and asked me if i was still okay being with him. Said he cared about me a lot and has loads of fun with me and wants to carry on like that. I didn't really mind initially but i'm sure i'm being crazy, most normal women would pack their bags and be right out of the door. I think i love him, not like a first love, but i have a lot of respect for him, think he's gorgeous, laugh a lot round him and like to spend the rest of my life with him.I would love to be doted on but he did it once and it almost put me off wierdly enough- The one thing that crossed my mind was at least i don't have to worry about him falling out of love with me. But it won't help my jealousy much. The only reason he says he won't stray is becasue he can't be bothered and he doesn't have the time. I know he has been faithful in the three other major relationships hes had, and he has always been the one who got cheated on - am I mad for wanting to stay with someone who tells me they're not in love with me but wants me in their life for years to come?
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reader, pops +, writes (4 October 2005):
He needs professional help, and you can't give it to him. Steer him towards counseling with mental health professional to deal with his grief from losing his second wife( divorce can be as bad as death). Then see if he doesn't change. He sounds like he wants to love you, and probably does, but he is afraid still of being hurt again. Follow his actions rather than what he is saying. But get him help.
A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (4 October 2005):
 Does he make you happy? He sounds like he does. I dont think that it should matter whether he says those three words or not, I am pretty certain he would feel the same way that you feel about him, hes just too scared to say it. He has obviously said "I love you" to people before and it hasnt stopped them from straying so he doesnt want to put his confidence in someone by giving them his all, and not getting honest back in return. He may open up in the future- or he may show you bits like he previously did. Welcome this. Appreciate it when he does open up. Prove to him that you are worth it and will stay honest to him and eventually he may tell you how he really feels. In the meantime, be honest to yourself, tell him how you feel as often as you like, and please dont take it personally that he cant say that he loves you. This is what happens when other women wreak it for the rest of us! Best Wishesx
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