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age
30-35,
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writes: I have gotten my self into a real pickle and dont know what to do next!! I have been with my boyfriend now for a year and although i havnt slept with him, i love him. I was 15 in may and he was 16 in january and we have like i said been together for a year. We have tlked about having sex and we both want to lose our virginitys to each other and he is prepared to wait until im ready and i am prepared to wait till hes ready.Well on Tuesday it was our year anniversary and we decided to have sex for the first time. We had planned it in advance and we were gonna do it at his house in his bed we had condoms and we whee going to take it easy. We where both fine with this and looking forward to it. we both felt ready. but whn it got to the time we watched a film cuddling on the sofa n then we held hands while we nervously went to the bedroom. He was soo comforting and he was telling me its ok it will be fine., dont panic, you dont have to do it if you dont want and this made me feel a little better. Then i layed on the bed and we just made out for a bit, then i gave him head and he poked me. i bled a little bit when he poked me but i think its because it was new. as soon as i saw the blood i paniked a lot it was onli a little bit but it scared me and i didnt want to have sex. i knew from there i wasnt actually ready. I told him i didnt want to loose my virginity yet but he said "its too late baby theres no turning back now we have started". I felt soo small it was untrue i didnt know what to do then he told me it wouldnt hurt and i was safe but i didnt feel it. He told me to relax but i couldnt. I told him i was relaxed and he said ok right babe r u ready i was like no im not ready can i just get dressed please and he said no you cant now and we had sex i went numb it hurt that much i was crying and he was telling me it was ok i felt so dirty, i felt wrong and i felt stupid. Why did i have to agree to shagging him why did i have to do it?? Have i done something wrong anyone?? please help me??Im soo confused. He wont even answer my texts anymore and i love him still??
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anniversary, condom, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): Hi I'm 14 and the same thing happend to me when I was 13 the best thing you can do is don't blame it on yourself at all! and the other thing you should do is tell your gaurdians. Also if he wants to meet up with you to talk about what happend don't go by yourself cuz when I did he raped me again :(. but just remember its not your fault it is his not yours don't feel dirty or ashamed what happend to u was his fault.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): hey sweety, look what this guy has done is rape you, altough you constented at first you later said no, yet regardless of this he carried on. i think you need to talk to somebody, this guy, although you love him should really be reported. maybe there is a friend or family member you can talk to?
hope your okay anyway hunny.
xoxo
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A
male
reader, wildturkey  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 im so sorry that is a terrible experience, its not your fault at all!! dont ever feel bad you did nothign wrong. He shouldnt of forced you at all!!! i wish i could say something to make you feel better... It is date rape, and its up to you to decide if you want to do anything about that, from makeing him understand that its wrong, to seeking legal advice. Its up to you how far u take this and you know him better than we do. one thing i will say is after something like this happens it would be better to not be friends at all..is he aware that its wrong? In australia we have sex education in schools..
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A
female
reader, BabyxD  +, writes (12 June 2007):
hiya hunni u shouldnt feel dirty for wot he did he shouldnt of forced u when you sed you wanted to stop ye it did sound nice at the start when u were cuddleing up but when he wouldnt stop that was wrong u shouuld confront him and tell him about wot u think.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): He handled the situation really badly and now feels ashamed. There was a lot of care taken in the build-up, but he failed because he was not listening to you when you asked him to stop. Now he probably feels like he has raped you, which is a far cry from what he was hoping to create with you. Some purists would say he has raped you, I feel there is a little room to consider that he really did not mean for this to work out as it did. You have to decide whether it was rape, or not.I feel a bit sorry for you both because right up until the last moment he was being absolutley perfect. Now, as he saw how he upset you, the thing feels totally ruined and I expect he feels terrible. He may not be able to cope with that feeling, as you may not know quite how to cope with yours. Consider whether you can set things straight with him or not. Even if you can, you still have to see whether he can face this too.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (10 June 2007):
 Hia babe, what he has done is extremily wrong. first off hes lied to you, when he said u didnt have to do it, because as you know he made you anyway. you say you were crying, and if you were underneath him he would have seen you crying, this brings many horrors to my mind as that means he knowa you were scared and in pain. babe i think u shud talk to someone about it, explain what happend, and i suggest you stop txting him because he could in fact do it again and im thinking you dont want him to.. i hope i helped, please mail me to talk i know and understand how you are feeling, x x x
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A
female
reader, shownough  +, writes (10 June 2007):
 He took advantage of your love and it probably wasn't his first time anyway. All you can do now is live and learn from this experience you can overcome this
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A
male
reader, trivium1238 +, writes (9 June 2007):
i no this is hard to do and agree with but that classes as rape you should tell someone about it ....im not saying get him done for it but u sound like u need support why dont u tell a close friend who could comfort you
you havent done anything wrong he has!!
i no u still love him but u have to get over him he raped you.
lots of love
sean x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): I don't think you did anything wrong, you said no, and he told you that you oould not leave, get dresses or stop...this is rape, it is known as date rape....in fact when we here the word rape, we think of strangers in a dark alley, this is not usually the case....Rape happens between intimates and aquaintances more often than not.
You, in my opinion are much to young to start dating one particular boy at the age of 14, and too young too be giving head and having sexual intercourse, you are a child of 15 and he is 16, he spent a year grooming you to be ready to have sex, now that he has accomplished it, even though it was by force, he has quickly lost interest, and he can't face you for what he did to you....I know it is hard, but I would stay away from him, he is really kind of bad news, and if he doesn't get himself turned around and how he treats the womeh in his life, he is headed for real trouble!
The fact that you feel dirty and shamed is understandable and par for the course when you were raped, forced to have sex against your will, even if you did give him head, you were still under pressure by him and had the righ to stop at any time...you know he did this without love and caring and you feel violated because you were I am afraid.
I hope that you don't completely freak out about this, you will be OK, if you will talk to someone about what happened, start with a close relative that is older than you are, and then I think you would benefit from talking to a professional about what happened to you. This is a trauma that you do not need to internalize and make a part of who you are, it is all about him and his low character, and your trust misplaced....please seek help, because I know from personal experience that this will eat you alive if you don't....my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): firstly it's too soon for you guys to be thinking about sex. You both got emotional cos it was your first year anniversary, you shouldn't feel ashamed or dirty about wanting to celebrate your love but you did the right thing stopping him when you wer'nt comfortable. he must grow up. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, keely-h +, writes (9 June 2007):
 well i didnt know it hurt that much when you did it for the first time !! at least you got it over and done with a lot of girls have sex a lot younger some when they are 10/12 at the youngest i understand how you feel dont feel ashamed of what you did the sutuatin could be a lot wores hope it goes well !!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Sincere_07 +, writes (9 June 2007):
I don't think anything could help make you feel any better after such an ordeal. What this boy did to you was very wrong and when you say no even once and someone continues telling you you have no choice, that is forcing you into something against your will.
Even though you still love him you have to do something about this boy. How would you feel if you heard about further horrible things he has done to other girls? You have the right to say no and the right not to have your body violated. Everyone has the choice when it comes to their bodies, i mean what if he does do it to someone else? You need to help protect others from the ordeal you have been through.
I suggest you, even if your used protection, speak to someone in authority about this horrible ordeal, maybe your doctor. At this time with you feeling so emotional i would advise against speaking with any of your family members as this could cause a witch hunt, unless there is someone you can trust fully to understand and help you.
Please don't continue to feel like you have done anything wrong you wanted to do the right thing you knew you were not ready. This boy is at fault he disregarded your feelings for his own pleasure.
The fact he will not now speak to you just confirms that he is not worth your hurt and upset. He may feel remorseful but that does not change what he has done to you. He has performed one of the worst violations that a woman could go through on you, and you are still so young.
Please don't let this put you off men for the future and please seek some form of help with how you're feeling. This boy is the one at fault not you, please do something about this before he hurts someone else to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): Hey, im really sorry but it sounds like he has used u to have sex if he is not replying to ur txt. You havent done anything wrong, it is him as he forced u to do it. He cud hav actually raped u if u really did not want to do this! Be strong for urself, and tell a friend so u can tell them!
hope everything works out! x
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (9 June 2007):
 He raped you. Period.
DV1
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (9 June 2007):
 You havent done anything wrong but he clearly has. It looks like what happened is that he got carried away with the moment, in other words got over-excited, and that is being a little generous to him. You clearly withdrew your consent twice well before it was 'too late' (in actual fact ive heard of sex being stopped successfully alot further on). The bottom line is that at any point No has to mean no.
Its likely that he hasnt replied to your texts because he feels a deep sense of shame at how he behaved (rightly). Either that or hes scared of what you will say. Please don't blame yourself because that will only make you feel worse when it's really not necessary or helpful. You definatly have not done anything wrong. Hope that helps. Take care.
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