A
female
age
36-40,
*h23
writes:Sorry this is quite long!I went on a date last night with a guy who I've fancied for a while and who I was getting signals from, as in he kept asking in a roundabout way if I had a boyfriend and said a couple of times I looked "cute". I was too shy to flirt back and he'd stopped flirting with me but seemed to still be looking at me in "that way". I text him asking if he wanted to go out and he said yes.So last night we had our date, and I'm really confused. Firstly it wasn't really like a date, we were just chatting (I know that's what you do on dates! but this was definitely more "friendly" than otherwise) Then he told me I had no “presence” as in when I was in a room I didn’t stand out and faded into the background. I know him because we do kung fu together btw, and I think he meant in a martial art way. Then he told me that he’s interested in how people act that he liked to play around with people and do experiments as it were by changing body language and the way he acted around people. So when he was acting as though he fancied me he was just messing around...? Then he talked about his ex a LOT. At first it was useful because I knew he did have a girlfriend and I wasn’t entirely sure if they’d split up, so knowing they had was good, but then he mentioned her like 4 more times. When we left it was just like “ok, see you at kung fu then”. Very complex. Plus I have major trust and confidence issues as I had a long term relationship end very badly a year ago which I'm still not over, so I naturally act standoffish.Obviously you can't tell from this if he does like me. I don't know whether to assume he's not interested though or pursue it. I'm thinking of texting him just to say thanks for meeting me as if he wasn't interested in me it was sweet of him to agree to meet me, he didn't have to do that. But why would he go on a date with me if he didn't fancy me? Maybe he thinks I don't fancy him either. I am very quiet and withdrawn, especially on dates and things. Plus he told me he's natuarally a cold person who doens't show his emotions.Should I text him? Or wait till I see him again at training? Bearing in mind I asked him out too. (Which I'd never done before!)
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confidence, flirt, his ex, shy, split up, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): I don't think its a good idea to go out with this guy again. Basically he insulted you, made you feel bad about yourself, who needs that? And his little "mind games"...give me a break. That's just stupid and mean, and actually creepy. Sounds like he needs some serious mental help. Run away sweetie, don't give him another thought. He sounds like bad news all around.
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (15 October 2008):
 Do you really need this complexity in your life? If you are recovering from a difficult break up do you really think it's wise to date someone who makes you doubt yourself and whose every move you are questioning? I don't.
This guy sounds a bit mixed up - I think you should leave it. None of this sounds positive for you.
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