A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I used to see this man i work with as a brother because he was married and i just didnt see him any other way. Then he told me he loved me and that he was getting a divorce. At first i told him no, and then i realised i really liked him. We went out 3 times now and twice we kissed. He tells me all the time he loves me and i really like him now.But today he told me that his wifes father called him and said that she was not handling the divorce well. He says he needs to think about what to do. I'm mad at him because he should have left our friendship how it was if he was unsure about how his marriage was going to work out.I dont know whether to end it now and save getting hurt later, or keep it going with the hope he stays with me if he really does love me.No one knows he is getting a divorce yet so i guess we could pretend nothing ever happened. I want him to be happy.I have been single for 2 years before this because i have trust issues and i guess this is not going to help me!Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay so the situation is still not sorted. I have spoken to him a lot about it... A LOT! It seems he is just fighting between what he wants = me, and what he should do - contact his ex wife... he says he just needs time but that right now i am the only thing on his mind.. is this just a line.. i trust him though, i mean ive known him for a long time and he isnt like pressuring me into doing anything and he understands when i say i need to just step back cos i dont want to get hurt... he says he does not want to hurt me and knows i am pretty vunerable from previous relationships.. also as we work together and his job is fairly significant, he would not put that in jepordy for just a fling.. but then i know what men are like (sorry) and i know sometimes they just want to tell u what they thing u want to hear... i just want the truth and when i ask for it he appears to tell me... he told me that according to the law he is no longer married.. and that if they were to get back together he is not sure how it would work.. im going away for a while and im scared when i get back everything will be finished.. i really like him more and more everytime i see him!
A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (6 December 2007):
 No this is not going to help you. You have trust issues and decide to date a man who cannot be faith-full to his wife?
You need to call this off, maybe stay friends if you want, but no more relationship.
If he does get divorced then fair play, but somehow I seriously doubt he is going to.
Walk away hun, the only one getting burned here is you.
take care sweets xxxxx
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Well you proceeded to go forward with him, against your better judgement, based on the fact that he told you he was getting divorced. Now the facts have changed, and he's putting that 'on hold.'
So you need to go back to your original position. By 'reversing' he has left you in an exposed position; a place where you knew you didn't want to be at the beginning. Basically, you are now in the position of having a relationship with a married man.
It's good that you are in tune with your own emotions and vulnerability, and recognise you have trust issues. This relationship will just make matters worse for you, much much worse. Deep down you know this yourself, but are seeking second opinions.
There are many negatives in this situation and virtually no positives for you. Whilst ending it now will cause you some pain, it is something you can get over. Remain in this relationship and you are inviting so much heartache, jealousy and despair that potentially could leave someone like you emotionally damaged for years.
You have to look after yourself. He is going to look after his wife. End it now.
Take care - Richard
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