A
female
age
36-40,
*UINNIE16
writes:All i can think of is him its driving me Mad! We was together over 2 years and broke up with me out the blue without any warning for “Space”. ( He dumped me 2 days b4 i was due to get some medical results) When he finished it he was crying and kept saying sorry. I didnt chase him , contact him or anything. I bumped into him 3 months after the break up and he started crying outside his work, worse than what he did when we split up. He said he respects me so much for giving him his space, he wanted space but not this much. We arranged to meet up and talk and he text me 2days saying he cant meet his head isnt clear and doesnt know what he wants. i text back i understand look afer yourself.Fast forward 8 months i bump into him in a club , as soon as he saw me he hugged me tight , asked if i was ok, i said yes have had a few problems but all ok. He managed to get my problems out of me, and said why are the doctors so slow u been ill for 3 years whats wrong with them. i said i dont know, dont care now at least im getting myself sorted, im on the waiting list for a operation so its a start! He spent the he spent the whole night with me chatting to me talking about what we been up to how i am etc. i said i better go and see my mates and ill come back in a bit.i went out to the smoking area with my fieneds he was out there talking about me with his work mates, they asked him how long we was together he said 2 years his mate said shes beautiful, he then said there is nothing there now. i turned round and he walked off that hurtLater on we was talking again he said he still thinks of me everyday, thinks of me when he hears songs, remembers when everyones birthday is close to me and thinks of me and them on that day. he missed me on his birthday when it was 3 weeks ago. When he sees a car the same as mine he automatically thinks it me. i offered him a lift home and he accepted. when we got outside his house i suggested we should meet for lunch he accepted again i asked him if he still had my number he does - all my numbers, mum dads nan uncles sisters, any number where i may be he has still got in his phone. - he checked that the numbers was still correct and i gave him my new mobile number.he asked me if i still sleep all huddled up and if i still nick the covers i said yes, he said ah like sleeping beauty he admits that he still has all my stuff i have given him, and always think of me. and when he is out somewhere he think i will be he looks for me and everywhere he goes the memory is there and any small blonde he thinks is me when we said goodbye he hugged me so tight and held me hands then hugged me again.6 Weeks on, i bump into him again out side his work, and he starts getting emotional, asking me how i am i said not to bad, i got my date for the operation and that is xmas eve, i said to him again about lunch he said yes ok will do. When i said bye he kissed me on the cheek and hugged me tight again, and said i always think of u, and will be thinking of u more than ever on xmas eve good luck. then he walked off.Obviously there are feelings there still, i dont understand why he hasnt been in touch, i know its only Lunch, but its driving me mad!What shall i say to him if i was to c h im again?He has nooone else, and there never has been anyone else. But i dont understand how a year on he still thinks of me everyday gets emotional everytime he sees me yet wont do anything about it. I was his first Love, he is a 26 yr old man, not a kid. I wont contact him as he walked away he wanted space and respects me for giving it to him, i have offered the lunch, so its up to him. But how can i move on, with him still being like this i cant ignore him when i c him i dont have the heart to. Hope this makes sence xx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): Yes, you are making sense. but the man you are talking about is not. i am scared that you will fall back into a relationship with him, because he is so needy and confused. Trust me, these are not good reasons, but sometimes we think they are.You have done amazingly by moving on and refusing to let his callous cowardly behaviour make you bitter. At the same time, you have to make sure that your sense of self-preservation is intact. I know you have offered lunch, it sounds like he is after more contact, so I am sure you will see him again. But really, he is not really suffering (he has friends, he goes to clubs, he has work) and it is not really romantic to think of you whenever he sees a car like yours! Unless you have a very strange car it sounds a little unbalanced, in fact. Maybe he does really regret his decision to leave, as you are obviously a beautiful capable brave person, but do you really want to give him another chance? If so, why? If his being scared and needy was what made him run away in the first place, it doesn't sound like he has changed, so why would he not behave like that again?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): Honestly? I really do think this guy is a flake, hun. As I read your posting and the way you wrote it, I was thinking, here is a bright, considerate, thoughtful girl, who probably could use her time and efforts spent on some other great guy, who actually 'wants' a relationship with her! What you have here, is a guy that doesn't care enough to pursue something substantial with you. What is that telling you?
I say that because, not once, in your posting, do you mention that he picks up the phone and gives you any follow up phone calls, texts, messages..nothing. He's playing with your emotions, hun...plain and simple. Frankly I think he knows you like him and he's just 'sucking up the good feeling of having his ego boosted, a bit'. And he has no intention of calling and making this into something solid. Please remember: when a man likes a woman and wants to be with her, he's like gale force wind...nothing stops him. If he wanted to date you, you'd be inundated with calls, making dates, going place and doing things together...plain and simple.
So here you are, wanting to believe he is this great guy, who is honest, nice and wants you. Hun, this guy doesn't want anyone. I say that, because his behaviors are beginning to make you wonder, makeyou get confused, a bit sad, thus working on your confidence levels. And when a woman begins to feel this way, it's time to pack it in and forget him. Loving, liking and wanting someone in your life is supposed to make a woman feel happy, not this upset and unhappy. There is your clues.
Cut him loose. Move on, girl. Get out there and find some who give all his attentions to you. And next time, you 'bump' into this other...won't he be shocked when he sees you have an awesome bf on your arm. lol Take care hun and be strong...xxoo
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A
male
reader, Tomas  +, writes (8 February 2009):
Short answer, if he doesn't know what he wants, and you have mixed feelings about him, and you can't ignore him when you see him, then you may not be able to move on.Of course, you might meet someone and find from him what you get from "Space"man, and that would make seeing Spaceman less difficult.But failing that, I'd say you need to figure out what you want (platonic? not?), and then set your boundaries accordingly. If you two are romantic, then he needs to step up. If you are not, he needs to drop the "sleeping beauty" bit and give *you* emotional space to move on. Once you know what you want, you can communicate your needs to him and ask him to respect them. Even if he doesn't, it should be easier to ignore him as you'll recognize the lack of respect it implies. But you probably need to ask first, so you need to make a decision.My 2 cents, anyway. Good luck.
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