A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im very stressed and i need so advice, because this has never happened to me before.skipping alot of details, my bf(grant) of 2 month's best friend(mac) and i kinda had this thing going that was just alot of flirting through texts that started before i got a boyfriend and before i knew they were friends. it was just fun flirting and we became good friends but he began to become really serious about me. i kept say we needed to just be friends, and with poor judgement agreed to go over to his house to watch a movie. mac kissed me, and i kissed him back...repeat. i secretly did have feelings for him and i cared for him. i kissed him back because he just felt so un-arming. I want to stay a virgin and my present bf, though i like him, always makes me really tense because when we kiss he always takes things too far and too fast. when mac was kissing me i felt like it was just fun and the way kissing should of been, we were talking and joking the entire time. though i knew i needed to stop but it was just so hard. afterwards i was really upset about the entire situation, i didnt want to leave my bf and i wasnt planning on this happening. while i was upset mac just kept trying to make me smile in his corky way, and was so happy he couldnt even begin to understand how i felt. He thought that now i was just going to leave my bf for him, and when i said i wasnt and that i wanted to tell grant about the situation and take all the blame, he yelled at me and said i was taking everything he cared about away from him. i didnt end up telling, but i our argument i realized that even though mac was always really sweet, he only really cared about himself or at least the idea of us ,but not me.im not a very emotionally or dependant person dso mac really comfused me. We got over the fight and began to talk again but he started to get romantic again, and i just wanted him as a friend. he didnt just want me as a friend so i stopped talking to him(this was while i was on a trip for a month in a different state). after i stopped talking to him he kept sending me messages about how much i hurt him, that he missed me,and how it made him sad that i wouldnt talk to him...etc(hes a drama queen). later wheni got home i was suppost to go to some party at a house i didnt know i see grant, and he used macs phone to call and handed mac the phone to give me directions. while talking to me he ws sayong that he really wanted to see me and got mad when i wa talking to other people while i was on the phone with him. later at the party while with grant mac walked by but just ignored me. and never said a word. this is what i wanted right, but i cant help but still have feelings for him and i want to be friends again, and it hurt me. but i keep just hurting him and if grant knew it would hurt him. how can i get over mac
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 July 2008):
 First of all realize you have to take responsability for your actions in kissing this other boy. Because of Mac's behavior. It's impariative you tell your boyfriend as well and fill him in on the details of what happened.
At your age, your probably thinking that's a bit nuts....Your right, but not as nuts as the possable behavior Mac may use to get even for being rejected. You've already begun seeing it. His dramatic attitude of wanting you, but knowing you're with someone else. In other words, his not caring who or how he hurts others as long as you're in his arms as the outcome.
I'm not trying to overreact. By what you've written and if these outburst are behaviors he's reacted with to your decision in staying with your boyfriend. He's showing early signs of the "if I can't have her, no one will" behavior.
Obsession, mixed with posessiveness can be a dangerous mixture. That's why I believe telling your boyfriend is a good start. He may see your boyfriend as being in the way of his having what he wants.
I'd also recommend, if you and Grant don't work out as a couple. Don't date Mac. You too aren't even dating and look at his behavior. Imagine if you were and you decided to move on. It may be more intense than what you're going through now.
Take care.
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