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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I am talking to a guy and things were going well. We see each other a lot but I would text him a lot too. He told me that he thought I might be kinda clingy. It wasn't my intention but I may have over done it with the texting. We seemed to have worked it out but I am still worried that he will always think this about me. My question is is this something I can recover from or is he always going to see me like that? And if I can change his opinion, how should I go about it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): Thank you for the help. I do want to clarify things because some of the answers really didn't apply to my question. Trust is not an issue in the slightest. Also, I wasn't asking if I was being clingy I know that I was coming across that way. Again this was unintentional and I only wanted to know if he was going to hold on to that opinion. I was worried that he was only ever going to see me in that light. A guy friend of mine is like that, so I just really wanted to know if that was a general rule with guys or is my friend the outlier. Again thank you all.
Sincerely, the author of the question.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 September 2014):
 He will not hold a negative opinion for very long. Most guys are interested in here and now not what was past. just take a deep breath and start over with a renewed interest and a memory of the past. Lots of Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2014): You have to have faith and trust in order for relationships to work. You have to believe that it is possible that someone can care enough for you that they will think of you when they are not in your eyesight. That you mean something to them. They have committed to you. That doesn't mean they are sentenced for life to hard labor proving how much they adore you.
You have to give your trust. It is a gift. It lets people know that you believe they always have your best interest at heart, and that you know without asking that they care about you. You know by their actions alone that they care for you, and they will do everything they can to prove it.
They have to be given a chance to prove it. Not be manipulated by your strings. Don't say you love someone, if you don't trust them. One cannot survive or exist without the other.
Over-texting is like a baby crying. Pleading for attention. Babies do it because they are letting their parents know they are in distress; or they miss seeing them and being held safely in their arms. Our parents reach a point when they don't always respond to our crying when we were babies. They left us crying until we stopped. They checked on us while we were unaware of their presence. This allowed us to be independent and to learn to trust that they are always there, even when we couldn't see them. That they'd appear out of nowhere if we needed them. They'd come even if we didn't. That's what love is.
Then we grew older and able to walk and talk. They didn't always answer our every call. They never took their eyes off of us, they just watched from a distance to allow us to learn and explore on our own. They gave us freedom to do things all by ourselves. They were giving that trust back.
Apparently, some people never grow out of infancy. They're always crying for coddling and attention. Perhaps they never got enough, but they won't find it being clingy as adults. Being affectionate is not the same as being clingy. Clingy comes from insecurity. Affection comes from love and trust. Clingy is annoying. Desperate.
You have to realize that relationships are not havens where we go to burden people for constant nurturing and protecting us around the clock. People will give their affections freely and willingly, and you have to give them the space to do that. If they care, they don't have any trouble showing it. If it is never enough for you, let them go. Don't beg.
If you're always on their heels, they will feel cornered, smothered, and confined. They will sense your weakness and desperation for attention; and it will not only make them uncomfortable, it will annoy them. Like a fly always buzzing around your ear, or a weird guy on the bus who keeps staring at you. You know the feeling.
Your boyfriend was letting you know things were reaching that point. Not just the texting, but probably in other ways. You want to know how much someone cares, leave them alone to show it. Messages all day don't prove anything; but maybe you have a lot of time on your hands.
When you feel the urge to beg for attention, stop and think first. Are you just being greedy, or do you really need it? Are you responding to neediness, or do you just need some affection? Just as he told you that you are clingy, you can also inform him when he is being too distant or detached. Baring in mind, that distant and detached does not mean he doesn't return your messages in a flash, he doesn't spend all his spare time with you, and he isn't singing love songs to you on the hour. You have to be mature and avoid childish inclinations to whine and beg for attention all day long. Know when enough is enough.
People often ask how do I know when I am asking too much, or not getting enough? If you need constant reassurance that someone loves you, even when they tell you time and time again. That's too much. Allow them to tell you of their own free will. Let them demonstrate their feelings in their actions. I can tell you I love you all day long, and despise your guts.
If people have to account for all their time and their every move; because you're afraid their losing interest or may be cheating without any evidence. You're asking too much. You have trust-issues, it isn't the lack of affection, it's the lack of trust.
When you are always afraid of how long a relationship is going to last, and how long before they lose interest? You're inclined to constantly nag them to reassure you by spending 100% of their time to prove their allegiance. That is too much. They have a right to get tired of your company, and you have a right to get tired of theirs.
It doesn't mean they don't love you anymore. We all just need some space to breathe. A different climate and a change of scenery.
When you assign them with the task of making up for all the wrongs other people have done you in the past. When people have to offer you a guarantee they will never hurt or leave you. That is too much. Even you couldn't live up to that demand.
He will change his opinion when he sees your maturity.
When you learn that just because someone is out of your sight, doesn't mean they aren't thinking of you. They don't need constant reminding. When you show him just because you're not standing next to him; some girl is going to just come along and take him from you. When you show him you don't believe a guy can't care for one girl at a time. That it's not always the guy in the relationship capable of making mistakes, and being at fault for it not working.
There is a constant stream of myths and stereotypes that guys are always the reason a relationship goes sour. Well, smart people know better than that. If one guy isn't worthy, there are millions available to replace him. He can replace you when he has had enough nonsense. That doesn't always make it his fault. It could be yours!
You have to learn not only does a guy have to show strength; but so does the girl in a relationship. Trust goes two-ways. He has to believe you care about him too. That you can show your caring for him goes beyond clinging to him. You can give him your trust, until he proves that he doesn't deserve it anymore. He has to earn it, but if he tries and never gets it. He should dump you. That's a waste of his time.
You have to relax in a relationship to make your partner feel some degree of freedom. It doesn't mean you're offering them freedom to cheat; but you are willing to take the same amount of risk with your feelings, as they are taking for you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (27 September 2014):
 Clinginess is more than just excessive texting, even though that is a sign of it. Clinginess is needing to know everything about what your partner is doing, needing constant reassurances of his love for you, or having a problem if he wanted to spend time with friends or alone. Some clingers start arguments just for attention. Others always want deep relationship conversations or always want to "work on the relationship".
The only way you can change his mind is to have the strength to not talk to him. You can't prove you're not clingy if you're calling or texting him to get him to see you're not clingy, because THAT is clingy!
You can't change his opinion. You need to change your focus so far off of him that you'll forget about him and do something else with your life. If he has a little interest in you still, THAT will get him to notice. Otherwise, he'll just see you as wanting to cling more.
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